Getting up for work in the morning is going to be difficult because there is no incentive to do so. The Thanksgiving Holidays were not as restful as they might've been, due to a frustrating lack of accomplishment on my list of goals and a complete inability to focus my thoughts on those things which might give me a bit of forward momentum.
More flooring was laid down. Indeed, the main part of the basement is complete. But my heart was just not in it these past few days. My goal was to complete my case modification, and it didn't happen, and I'm frustrated and angry and tired and cranky and feeling very blah.
A substantial portion of this blah feeling is due to the fact that doing a case mod is an extremely low priority to anyone else around here. There are far more important things to do. And I can't focus on anything when there is a voice in the back of my head which reminds me that there are more important things to accomplish.
But I'm selfish. It's a holiday, and although we had a wonderful time visiting with friends and family on these days "off", there was so much more that I wanted to get done. Stuff for me. My personal goals.
The kids were sick as well, which didn't help matters. It's difficult to be selfish when there are other obvious needs to be met. I love being with my kids. I love being with my family. I love doing things for my family. But ... sometimes I just want to be alone, doing my dorky little hobby things, locked in my little room with my little computers, without having to worry about the family, without feeling guilty because I'm not attending to them.
And then I feel guilty for being so selfish, and whatever hobby-type thoughts that were running around in my head are vaporized, and I have to run upstairs to see what critical family moment I'm missing, and it usually turns out to be nothing, but it's too late by then because the hobby thoughts are gone and the focus is gone and I'm just a tad bit angrier than I was before.
Then it comes to my attention that my nose is sniffly and my head is achy and my sinuses are itchy, and I take my meds; and in about half an hour, this curtain of tranquility descends over me and suddenly I just don't care anymore, and it's time for bed. Another NyQuil night.
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day, but that's doubtful. Things are ramping up again at work, and there's lots to get done before Christmas.
1 comment:
and now that you have said all that, you feel better and ready to tackle this week. Remember that the next day is always better than the last day and you can keep on going. Time for yourself will be plenty when the house is finished, the kids are all grown and out of the house(yes, son, that too will happen). then you can have all the time you want for yourself and you will wish you had someone to keep you from having that time. Just wait. Ha
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