I can't say whether or not I'm actually lucid or not; it still feels like dreaming. There has been little sleep of consequence over the past few weeks, owing to the nature of my work patterns, which has been a constant state of panicked chaos. And just when it seems there might be a moment of respite, certain exterior forces gather together in one point of time to drive the stress level through the roof.
Let's not get into the details; everyone has been there, and my case is not unique. Moments of life arise when it seems that everything is happening at once, that multiple needs are pulling at you in different directions, and there is neither time nor mental energy available to take it all in. Some people seem to thrive on such an environment. The rest of us experience stress.
It is curious, however, to realize (looking inward) how one deals with such stress, especially when the realization dawns that there is no possibility of actually doing all the things that are being asked, nor of being in all the places required. A certain amount of procrastination sets in, a near-fascination with the prospect of sitting by and watching the disaster come and go, knowing that, although it will not result in an immediate, physical danger, the possibility exists that it will have serious consequence on the stability of the future.
At some point, a kind of mental peace settles in as one realizes that there is nothing that can be done to avoid disaster, that the opportunity for taking effective action has passed by, and that the choice now lies in moving on with things as they are and accepting the consequences, or moving on to something else. Moving on is always an attractive option as it provides a means of starting afresh, a clean slate, whereas the alternative provides nothing more than a return to the known state of stress which has no guarantee of lessening.
Looking back over the years, these things have occurred in about the same three-year cycle, so it doesn't surprise me that it is occurring again. But there doesn't seem to be quite the same level of stress this time; it doesn't feel as though my career is in danger - or in limbo. Indeed, my career seems to be going along quite swimmingly, assuming my career plan is to remove myself from the more rewarding aspects of engineering and take on what I would consider as the dull and boring avenues of management.
I don't like management. I don't like dealing with people who bicker and argue and refuse to get along. I disdain conflict.
Today's final hour was a microcosm of the horror story which accompanies each day's travail.
Departure time was scheduled for five-thirty, and my final task was to assist in the running of some tests in the lab. One of my code reviewers was walking past the lab and noticed me, so he came scurrying in to confront me with what he considered to be a critical problem.
The problem was, naturally, another person. This other person disagreed with his assessment of the code and refused to make the requested changes. The reviewer was incensed that the coder would refuse to recognize his authority as a reviewer to dictate the terms of the code fix, and demanded that the proper procedure be followed.
When I say incensed, I mean exactly that. The man was getting extremely emotional about the problem. He was insulted because the coder didn't agree with his assessment. He took a personal affront that someone disagreed with his comments.
Both the coder and the reviewer have a teensy bit of a problem with Ego, so the fact that they disagreed didn't surprise me. What surprised me was the non-professional, emotional response that it generated, like two little children arguing over a toy.
I reminded the reviewer that the procedure called out for a moderator, a third party who would step in to handle just such an occurrence, and suggested that he forward the comments to that person and get the problem resolved as soon as possible. And asked him specifically not to talk to the coder again about the problem.
I also told him in no uncertain terms that I will tolerate petty arguments over such issues between team members, and that it is more important to me that the team members work together in harmony than that we figure out who was right and who was wrong. First, because I don't believe with their Egos that they could ever admit that the other person was right; and second, because there is nothing that makes work more of a drudgery than having to deal with conflict between team members every day.
In other words, he may be right, but if he's going to argue over every dotted 'i' and crossed 't' just to prove to everyone how right he is, I don't want him on my team. I'd rather have a team of idiots who get along than a team of experts who argue all the time.
My last exercise in management, which just ended this past week as I handed over the reigns to someone else, suffered from the very same problem. After the first team meeting when I took over the role of technical lead, it was obvious that two of the members could not be in the same room together. Rather than exclude anyone from the meeting, I simply abandoned the idea of meetings, instead focusing on one-on-one interfacing and lots of email. And as each person finished their portion of the assignment, they were moved off to other projects. In the end, the team was reduced to myself, my 'lieutenant', and our documentation person. This, from an original group of ten. And it must be stated that my 'lieutenant', a young man half-distracted by his PhD work, did more to further the progress of the project than all the other developers combined.
So now it is his project, and more power to him.
Meanwhile, the pressure is on for me to get the new team organized and working, and it looks like there may be some more trimming ahead.
Onward!
Monday, September 24, 2007
Thursday, September 13, 2007
It was 20 Years Ago ... but not today
Having the proper tools is critical to any professional.
It's difficult to believe that over twenty years have gone by since the last time I possessed the proper tools to do a proper job.
Can you imagine a carpenter going twenty years without a table saw? Or a drill?
Yet for the past twenty-odd years, I've been plugging away at my electronics using only a multimeter. Which is OK if all you want to do is measure static voltages, or verify your diodes are working properly.
But the key to any kind of serious electronics design is having the key element in the electrical engineer's toolbox - an oscilloscope.
{An oscilloscope provides a graphical image of the voltage level at a particular point in a circuit over a span of time, thus allowing you to verify the changes in a non-static signal as it travels through a circuit; for example, you can see the audio signal as it travels from the antenna of the radio all the way through to the final amplifier, to pinpoint where the buzzing is coming from, so you can fix it...}
The biggest obstacle to obtaining an oscilloscope is the price. Current models are in the $10k - $20k range. And they generally keep their value, because they are precision instruments. So even a ten or fifteen year old unit can cost $4K - $10K.
My financial priorities have obviously been in other areas for the past twenty years or so.
But ... with all the overtime lately, and the fact that I'm not getting any younger, it occurred to me that it was time to finally do something about this serious lack of engineering capability.
Naturally, I wasn't going to purchase a top-of-the-line model. There's been quite a bit of overtime, but not that much.
So after browsing through the various on-line test equipment vendors, I found one that was willing to part with some old 'scopes for a reasonable price: $199.
Hey, at that price, why not get two?
So I did.
And now there are two new toys in the house!
Which should help out getting rid of the backlog of electronic equipment in need of repair.
Right off the top of my head, the following list comes to mind:
1 - 15-year old 19' color TV with a dying high-voltage circuit
1 - 5-year old receiver with a suspicious hum in the power supply
1 - 20-year old tape player / stereo with bad tape controller circuit
1 - 15-year old VGA monitor with bad high-voltage power circuit
2 - radio control receiver/transmitters with bad components
2 - old VCRs with on-board microprocessors (salvageable)
5 - 10- to 15-year old motherboards with bad components
10 - 5- to 15-year old computer power supplies in indeterminate but nonfunctional state
I can't wait to get started on them!
It's difficult to believe that over twenty years have gone by since the last time I possessed the proper tools to do a proper job.
Can you imagine a carpenter going twenty years without a table saw? Or a drill?
Yet for the past twenty-odd years, I've been plugging away at my electronics using only a multimeter. Which is OK if all you want to do is measure static voltages, or verify your diodes are working properly.
But the key to any kind of serious electronics design is having the key element in the electrical engineer's toolbox - an oscilloscope.
{An oscilloscope provides a graphical image of the voltage level at a particular point in a circuit over a span of time, thus allowing you to verify the changes in a non-static signal as it travels through a circuit; for example, you can see the audio signal as it travels from the antenna of the radio all the way through to the final amplifier, to pinpoint where the buzzing is coming from, so you can fix it...}
The biggest obstacle to obtaining an oscilloscope is the price. Current models are in the $10k - $20k range. And they generally keep their value, because they are precision instruments. So even a ten or fifteen year old unit can cost $4K - $10K.
My financial priorities have obviously been in other areas for the past twenty years or so.
But ... with all the overtime lately, and the fact that I'm not getting any younger, it occurred to me that it was time to finally do something about this serious lack of engineering capability.
Naturally, I wasn't going to purchase a top-of-the-line model. There's been quite a bit of overtime, but not that much.
So after browsing through the various on-line test equipment vendors, I found one that was willing to part with some old 'scopes for a reasonable price: $199.
Hey, at that price, why not get two?
So I did.
And now there are two new toys in the house!
Which should help out getting rid of the backlog of electronic equipment in need of repair.
Right off the top of my head, the following list comes to mind:
1 - 15-year old 19' color TV with a dying high-voltage circuit
1 - 5-year old receiver with a suspicious hum in the power supply
1 - 20-year old tape player / stereo with bad tape controller circuit
1 - 15-year old VGA monitor with bad high-voltage power circuit
2 - radio control receiver/transmitters with bad components
2 - old VCRs with on-board microprocessors (salvageable)
5 - 10- to 15-year old motherboards with bad components
10 - 5- to 15-year old computer power supplies in indeterminate but nonfunctional state
I can't wait to get started on them!
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Star Trek : The New Voyages
Star Trek is a phenomenon which will not die.
The show originally aired in 1966. That was forty years ago. It spawned six television shows, ten feature-length movies (there's an eleventh on the way), and a host of sci-fi conferences.
And now there's a new on-line series, resurrecting the look-and-feel of the original 60's show, which attempts to answer the on-going question of "What else happened during the first Five-Year Mission?"
(The original series only lasted three seasons, cutting short the 'Five Years'.)
In the beginning, it seemed like just a joke, an ego trip for the 'star' of the show, James Cawley, in an effort to pass himself off as the next incarnation of James T. Kirk. He was financing it; he was starring in it; and he had a bunch of friends whose acting abilities left a lot to be desired.
And it was on the net for goodness sake! How cheesy!
By all rights, it should've been relegated to a fifteen-minute frenzy on YouTube, flooding the servers for one day and lost in oblivion the next.
But Mr. Crawley wasn't interested in a one-day wonder. And he wasn't really interested in being hailed as the 'new' Kirk.
He was really interested in the Question.
Interested enough, in fact, to finance a large portion of the project himself. And interested enough to make sure that no one made any money off the deal, which would've placed them square in the legal sights of Paramount.
No, the whole venture was - and is - a labor of love for those people who know what Star Trek is really all about: the fulfillment of the promise of Apollo. The Final Frontier. To boldly go where no one has gone before. To re-imagine the future where race or religion or gender is no impediment to experiencing the ultimate adventure of exploring the Universe.
To imagine where we might have gone had we not turned our backs (mostly) on space exploration thirty years ago.
To imagine where we might go if we made it more of a priority.
To explore ourselves even as we explore the Out There.
**
So far, they've completed three episodes and are working on the fourth. They're getting better with each one. I just watched the third one last night, and was very impressed. As a fan of the Original Series, it was awesome to see the return of Sulu (George Takei), and especially the clever (and poignant) way they worked him into the script.
I can't wait to see the next one!
The show originally aired in 1966. That was forty years ago. It spawned six television shows, ten feature-length movies (there's an eleventh on the way), and a host of sci-fi conferences.
And now there's a new on-line series, resurrecting the look-and-feel of the original 60's show, which attempts to answer the on-going question of "What else happened during the first Five-Year Mission?"
(The original series only lasted three seasons, cutting short the 'Five Years'.)
In the beginning, it seemed like just a joke, an ego trip for the 'star' of the show, James Cawley, in an effort to pass himself off as the next incarnation of James T. Kirk. He was financing it; he was starring in it; and he had a bunch of friends whose acting abilities left a lot to be desired.
And it was on the net for goodness sake! How cheesy!
By all rights, it should've been relegated to a fifteen-minute frenzy on YouTube, flooding the servers for one day and lost in oblivion the next.
But Mr. Crawley wasn't interested in a one-day wonder. And he wasn't really interested in being hailed as the 'new' Kirk.
He was really interested in the Question.
Interested enough, in fact, to finance a large portion of the project himself. And interested enough to make sure that no one made any money off the deal, which would've placed them square in the legal sights of Paramount.
No, the whole venture was - and is - a labor of love for those people who know what Star Trek is really all about: the fulfillment of the promise of Apollo. The Final Frontier. To boldly go where no one has gone before. To re-imagine the future where race or religion or gender is no impediment to experiencing the ultimate adventure of exploring the Universe.
To imagine where we might have gone had we not turned our backs (mostly) on space exploration thirty years ago.
To imagine where we might go if we made it more of a priority.
To explore ourselves even as we explore the Out There.
**
So far, they've completed three episodes and are working on the fourth. They're getting better with each one. I just watched the third one last night, and was very impressed. As a fan of the Original Series, it was awesome to see the return of Sulu (George Takei), and especially the clever (and poignant) way they worked him into the script.
I can't wait to see the next one!
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
How Doth the Little Software Bug
How doth the little software bug
improve my shining code
By making it go opposite
the way it should have flowed;
And look! upon his countenance
he wears an evil grin
because he plans to take what's OUT
and turn it back to IN
In vain I try to kill the beast
who turned this art to dung
But every time I recompile
Alas! My program's hung
And yet I labor on to crush
the horrid, vicious sprite
By adding lots of printf's
to the code, both left and right;
But still the noxious vermin lives
and tramples ROM and RAM
Until my brain is spinning and
I don't know where I am...
To sleep, to rest, perchance to dream
is all my goal of late
But staying up to battle bugs
appears to be my fate
And now, please pardon while I go
to pound on keys and cry
Until the moment that I find
the bug and make it die
improve my shining code
By making it go opposite
the way it should have flowed;
And look! upon his countenance
he wears an evil grin
because he plans to take what's OUT
and turn it back to IN
In vain I try to kill the beast
who turned this art to dung
But every time I recompile
Alas! My program's hung
And yet I labor on to crush
the horrid, vicious sprite
By adding lots of printf's
to the code, both left and right;
But still the noxious vermin lives
and tramples ROM and RAM
Until my brain is spinning and
I don't know where I am...
To sleep, to rest, perchance to dream
is all my goal of late
But staying up to battle bugs
appears to be my fate
And now, please pardon while I go
to pound on keys and cry
Until the moment that I find
the bug and make it die
Monday, September 03, 2007
Labor Day
Yes, I'm here at work on Labor Day. What better day to be working, eh?
At least it's quiet. No one else is stupid enough to be at the office on the last day before school starts. Tomorrow begins the major shift in our schedule, off the laid-back, easy-going, not-much-to-do routine which has been the norm since Cheryl and the girls returned from their West Coast tour, and back to the hectic, every-moment-spoken-for frantic pace of fall/winter/spring.
It is times like these when envy of the "real" homeschoolers rears its ugly head. For them, it is nearly business-as-usual. For us, it is time to shift into high gear, and there is nothing more frustrating to me than attempting to keep up with all the activities that other people toss into the pot of Life.
My ideal is to have nothing to do but sit and think and write. Were there enough time in the day, it might even be possible to get a few things done, since a lengthy sit in the chair often prompts me to get up and start cleaning house, or making something out of wood, or pestering the children to go for a bike ride. In my old age, it has become nearly impossible to sit for more than twenty minutes at a stretch because my joints start to ache and my legs start to twitch and my mind starts to wander.
But ... were it possible, my day would be spent in a comfy chair composing poems and short stories and essays about nothing in particular, strumming my guitar, designing electronic circuits, cruising my favorite websites, and sipping a chilled glass of Dr. Pepper. All the while talking to Cheryl as she works on spreadsheets and cruises through her own set of websites and comments on the crazy things going on in the world today.
Should the world endure to the day when my need for employment comes to an end, and the children have all gone off to their separate destinies, perhaps that will become our reality.
Until then, my day will be spent banging my head against the software & hardware on this project, attempting to make it work in spite of itself; and preparing charts and graphs and plans for all the upper-management types to show them all how impossible the task has become; and rushing home at the end of the day to remind my children that their father is still alive and well and madly in love with their mother.
At least it's quiet. No one else is stupid enough to be at the office on the last day before school starts. Tomorrow begins the major shift in our schedule, off the laid-back, easy-going, not-much-to-do routine which has been the norm since Cheryl and the girls returned from their West Coast tour, and back to the hectic, every-moment-spoken-for frantic pace of fall/winter/spring.
It is times like these when envy of the "real" homeschoolers rears its ugly head. For them, it is nearly business-as-usual. For us, it is time to shift into high gear, and there is nothing more frustrating to me than attempting to keep up with all the activities that other people toss into the pot of Life.
My ideal is to have nothing to do but sit and think and write. Were there enough time in the day, it might even be possible to get a few things done, since a lengthy sit in the chair often prompts me to get up and start cleaning house, or making something out of wood, or pestering the children to go for a bike ride. In my old age, it has become nearly impossible to sit for more than twenty minutes at a stretch because my joints start to ache and my legs start to twitch and my mind starts to wander.
But ... were it possible, my day would be spent in a comfy chair composing poems and short stories and essays about nothing in particular, strumming my guitar, designing electronic circuits, cruising my favorite websites, and sipping a chilled glass of Dr. Pepper. All the while talking to Cheryl as she works on spreadsheets and cruises through her own set of websites and comments on the crazy things going on in the world today.
Should the world endure to the day when my need for employment comes to an end, and the children have all gone off to their separate destinies, perhaps that will become our reality.
Until then, my day will be spent banging my head against the software & hardware on this project, attempting to make it work in spite of itself; and preparing charts and graphs and plans for all the upper-management types to show them all how impossible the task has become; and rushing home at the end of the day to remind my children that their father is still alive and well and madly in love with their mother.
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