It's almost August, and I'm still not breathing, just holding my breath below the surface of the water and waiting for the inevitable loss of consciousness. Getting up at six, working from home until eight, having breakfast with the family, heading to the office at nine, meetings, meetings, meetings, interruptions following more interruptions, fleeing the office in the early afternoon to try and get something done by working from home again, staying up til midnight working on the things that didn't get done during the day.
Not worth it, not worth it, not worth it.
Dreaming of other things.
Got out my old Bill Cosby tapes, intending on converting them to MP3 before the ferromagnetics degrade, and got lost listening to the old jokes and remembering the many, many times they were played in the old van as I drove around Richmond with the boys in their carseats on those weekends home from New York. Remembering the good times with my little brothers and how much it hurt to have to leave, heading back to that weird semi-nomadic life.
Nowadays things are so domestic, but there aren't enough hours in the day to share between the family and the workplace, although I cheat somewhat and take things home so that my body is present if not really my mind. This is why the work goes on until midnight, as my brain tries to multitask between family tasks and work tasks and gets totally scrambled in the process.
Vacation Bible School goes on this week without as much participation from us as in years past. The younger children attend, and we are helping out with the junior high group on Thursday, but that is the limit of our commitment. It aches to stand in the back and watch the kids having so much fun and not be an integral part of it - there is nothing worse than not being involved - but other pressing duties (and a spectacular youth minister who is able to handle both junior and senior high events simultaneously) obviate our desires.
Never enough time in the day.
It's midnight far too soon.
And I'm ... so ... tired.
3 comments:
Ummmm....This may be stating the obvious - and I'm sure you've thought of it - but what about a different job?
How ironic is it that when you finally will have time to enjoy your kids, they will have left home and be involved in their own hectic lives?
"noah, it's the Lord."
ah, those were the days. those bill cosby tapes were my first introduction to stand-up (or in bill's case, sit-down) comedy. thank you for helping to expand my mind!
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