Forty-Niners

Can it really be forty-nine years already?

Seems like just yesterday it was twenty-five, and we were all gathering back in Virginia to surprise Mom and Dad with a little celebration. Ah, we were so young back then! How the time has flown.

One wonders, at times, what gems of wisdom we might have gathered in our early years from observing the relational dynamic between our parents. In comparison to the emotional ebbs and flows in other families, most noticeably those of my friends at school, our house was a haven of peace and calm; our parents were not confrontational or argumentative. It was the children who were combative (some of us more than others).

These are a few Lessons Learned from those days which I seek to retain in my adult life.

The family is a team. We work together. We do not argue over who is responsible for this task or that task; in the end, these tasks must be done, and we all must take the initiative when we are given an opportunity so as to benefit the group rather than the self.

And John Denver music goes great with a vacuum cleaner.

Dinner time is a Holy time, when we set apart our differences and our anger and our frustrations, and concentrate on just being together, enjoying the meal and the company, being thankful for all that we have been given, and focusing on our blessings.

Corollary: Do not force children to eat what they do not like. If you don't want to waste food, buy a dog.

Parents may have their differences, and should not be afraid to discuss their differences in front of their children; it is their common goals, however, that set the tone for the family, especially their spiritual goals. At the end of the day, the parents demonstrate that they are committed to one another in fellowship and mutual encouragement, spiritually uplifting one another regardless of trivial differences of opinion on wordly concerns.

If you argue in front of the children, always make up in front of the children.

Each one of us has special gifts, and these gifts should be recognized, encouraged and celebrated regardless of cultural or traditional expectations. Likewise, we all have our limitations, and these limitations should be recognized as well so as to provide opportunity for others to serve. It is no shame to be particularly good at something, nor is it shameful to allow others to help when our own abilities have reached their limit.

It is not a question of who has the gift, but rather how the gift will be used to benefit the whole.

Time is precious. Finding time to spend with one another is the most difficult task, and the most important. This is not only true for time sent with the children, but also for time spent with the spouse. It is better to lose out on a few extra dollars at work than to lose out on a few hours with the family, because money comes and goes, but time simply goes.

No job is so important that it takes precedence over family.

Stories define us but do not limit us. Family history tells us who we are, where we came from, where we have achieved greatness, and where we have fallen. We cannot change the past, but we also cannot hide it. It is important to tell these stories early so that the children understand these legacies and are not afraid of admitting the humanity of their ancestors. We all must learn to tell our own stories so that our collective knowledge can be passed down to future generations.

A story told is a memory shared.

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Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad!