Mary's 15th Birthday (#2)

This is the "family" party. She had a previous party with some friends over at the house, but we didn't film that. 

Late Night Benediction

I'm up later than I intended and haven't gotten nearly any of the things done today which needed to be done, but some days are like that.

Yesterday at work I was listening to a YouTube mix of The Carpenters because it was raining and that song, "Rainy Days and Mondays" just seemed appropriate, and I ended up listening to the full mix all afternoon and thinking about Karen Carpenter and the sad business of her anorexia (and her brother Richard's drug addiction), and that set the tone for the whole day. I got out of work early to run over to the school to start setting up the front line carts for the Marching Band show and it started raining right about the time we were supposed to head over to the stadium, so the directors pulled all the kids into the auditorium and we waited until six-thirty to decide whether the full band would be playing or not. Since the rain did not let up, they decided only the brass would play, and then only the national anthem. The full band did not play the pregame show or the half-time show. So we put everything away again - in the misty rain - and went home.

I was exhausted and tired and wet and feeling depressed and miserable. It would've been a good night to just sit in front of a fire with a blanket wrapped around me and a good book in my hands, with occasional sips from a mug of hot chocolate. But it didn't happen.

I did finish up the book, "If I Stay", which is now a major motion-picture. It was well-written, except for the premarital sex and the adult language (which are apparently assumed to be the new 'normal' for young adults these days). It bothers me that the book is targeted towards impressionable high school kids. I don't believe it is necessary for a good story to recreate the common language in order to be acceptable, although many authors (including the ones in my Writer's Group) believe this to be the case. A good auther doesn't need to be explicit to get an idea across, just as a good movie doesn't need to show everything in order to be a good movie.

Today I was hoping to get some things done over at the school and then get my plan done for the basement, but those didn't happen. I ended up only getting some little things done in the garage and some caulking done in the window in our bathroom (because the wasps are coming in through the cracks).

Tomorrow I am hoping to just rest after church and get ready for another long, tedious week of work. We'll see.

Falling, Falling, Failing

The fall rains have started in Michigan in earnest and they bring with them an overwhelming sense of melancholy, of dashed dreams, of unfulfilled promise. I've spent the last few weeks in a state of anxiety over the numerous goals I had for the summer which have gone un-met, feeling as though I squandered my time on useless ventures. At the beginning of summer, there was so much to look forward to, so much time that stretched out into the future, time enough to get all these things done. And now the summer is gone, school is in session, the weather is rapidly cooling (although it never actually got very warm), and we are beginning to think of hunkering down for the winter.

So many things have gone wrong these past few weeks, so many hopes have been dashed, so many nasty surprises have occurred that it feels as though I'm adrift in an open ocean. I feel like that famous Winslow Homer painting, with the sharks circling around and no hope in sight. I dread going to work each day; I dread coming home for fear of encountering yet another emotional confrontation. I have tried to trim off all the extraneous commitments which have filled up my hours to the detriment of my family, yet still feel compelled to help people when they describe a need that is not being met. I feel overwhelmed by all the tasks on my plate both at work and at home; and my anxiety level for my children's well-being has exceeded my ability to cope with it.

I have to get out.

So I do.

Some people have their prayer closets; I have my shop. When I go into my shop and close the door behind me, I leave all those worries and cares and concerns behind. I hold a tool in my hand and meditate on the feel of it as I use it to shape or fix or clean or smooth it. My mind relaxes; words form in my head that are clear and concise and correct; images come to mind of truth and beauty and purpose; my muscles relax and my headache disappears and a grand feeling of peace fills my soul.

After an hour or so of cleaning my head out, I am finally able to go back into the house and deal with the momentary emergencies of the day/week/month.

Knowing that the anxiety will build up again.

Knowing that I will soon find reason to return to my shop again.

And looking forward to it.

Summary of August

Friday, August 1

It's the fifth day of band camp and now it is getting very hot. Like 82 degrees. Not as hot as it has been in the past, but quite different from the early part of the week. Now we're starting to work on the details of the show we're going to put on for Friday.

I took some time off at lunchtime to meet with Cheryl and Adam over at the recruiting center. We didn't make an appointment because we thought the facilities would be fully staffed during the day. Silly us! Apparently, the Armed Services are somewhat lackadaisical about their hours. We showed up at what we thought was a reasonable time. The Army, Navy & Air Force weren't there.  The Marines were there. Not really who I was hoping to talk to, but something is better than nothing, so I set up a meeting for 4:30 p.m. later this afternoon. That's going to be cutting it close since dinner is supposed to start at 5, but this is far more important.

We met with the Marine recruiter at 4:30. Once we told him that Adam was on meds and has been counseling for awhile, the whole point of the visit was moot because they won't take anyone who is on meds (and not for two years after they've stopped), but we had a nice discussion with him anyway. We're looking for someone to help Adam understand how life works; the recruiter is looking for someone who really wants to be a Marine. The two goals don't exactly line up, but it's the best we could do right now. The recruiter was obviously restraining himself; he really wanted to play Boot Camp and get in Adam's face about it. I imagine that happens a lot.

Back at the school, the Marching Band performed the show and it went off rather well. Afterward, we in the Pit Crew had to rush like crazy to get everything put away so we could go inside and watch the skits. They were not as funny as they had been in the past; in fact, they were downright vicious. Deb in particular was very offended by one of them, "If I was not a senior, I wonder what I'd be ...", because the flute section leader made a snide comment aimed at her. Deb's personality is such that she jumps in where angels fear to tread ("If the section leader isn't going to tell these freshmen how to march, I'm going to do it for them!")  Considering it's a bunch of teenagers blowing off steam, I'm not surprised but quite disappointed with the level of meanness in the skits.  And it wasn't just Deb who got upset: apparently Mr. Ross left after someone made some insulting remarks about Claire. Maybe they should re-think this part of the week.

Saturday, August 2

Relaxed by working replacing the brake lines on my car.  Didn't get it done, but had a great time hanging out underneath the car and staring at all the rust!

Sunday, August 3

While setting up the classrooms for Sunday School, I discovered a dead bat lying on the floor next to the door. Brought back memories of the dead bird from a few months ago. What's up with these poor animals who get into the ventilation shafts and end up in the classrooms and can't figure out how to get back out? Ick. I also noticed that the furniture from old auditorium is stuffed into every nook and cranny in the gym. They're doing a lot of remodeling up there and this is the place to store it all while they're working. Hey! They brought down one of those comfy couches! Cool. I know where I'm going to sit this morning.

Today's lesson was about Nehemiah and rebuilding the wall of Jerusalem. We used Legos.

After Sunday School, Just as I was bringing the kids upstairs for worship, I got the call from Lowell that Larry Bogart (the Scoutmaster from Troop 350) had died early this morning. He had been on the downswing for a long time after suffering from a series of strokes a couple years ago. We'd been expecting an announcement like this for the last few weeks after we heard he'd stopped eating.

Jabez and his band from Knoxville led the praise & worship. One of the singers reminded me or Cher; she had a Cherokee bone structure.

Adam and I attended the Writer's Group picnic at Michelle's. It went on a bit longer than I had hoped, and my subtle ploy to enlist the aid of the group in helping Adam to understand priorities (i.e. work comes before fun) backfired because they assumed I was making excuses for why I don't take the time to write. I really don't need a lecture from anyone at this point on how I need to spend more time writing. I have too many other priorities. Oh, well. I was too emotionally exhausted to care by that time, so after we got home, I took a nap.

Afterward, Cheryl and I went over to Eric's house for the Orchestra barbecue.  He has a nice place, and a very playful dog.  When does he find time to play with a dog?? I got covered in dog fur. Met some nice people. Had some nice food. Almost fell asleep on the back porch. Man, I'm tired! I guess that nap just wasn't long enough.

Monday, August 4

The work day was long and tedious, and I kept being distracted by one thing or another. The big discovery of the day was that George Winston released 2 albums of Vince Guaraldi tunes about a million years ago.  I must find a way to obtain them!

Tuesday, August 5

Did not sleep well last night. Woke up two or three times in the middle of the night.  Then woke up late (6:30) with a headache. Perfect. Today is the day we meet with Adam's counselor at Calvin. I was hoping to have a clear head. As if that ever happens.

The counselor is a very nice young lady. We did a bit of talking back and forth, but I'm not sure if we actually came to any conclusions. Obviously there's a lot going on inside his head that isn't getting out. And there's a lot of frustration in our heads that is coming out all wrong. Not sure what to do about that yet. The counselor wasn't as helpful as I had hoped. Of course, I imagined we'd all come out knowing exactly what to do and how to fix things. But when does that ever happen, really?

Wednesday, August 6

The Marching Band is playing this morning at the Grand Opening of the new WalMart store over by the railroad tracks. I took Deb over that at 7 a.m. sharp.  We weren't quite sure where to go; there wasn't anyone on the WalMart staff assigned to direct us.

We practiced a few times out in the parking lot near the store, then someone actually came over and told us where to stand -- inside the store, behind the little "grandstand" they'd set up near the east entrance. The Regional Director made a speech, the Store Manager made a speech, and then someone actually said a prayer blessing (!) over the store.  They also handed out some gifts to the community.

The Band played one song (!) and then we were done. It didn't seem as organized as I had hoped; I got the impression the WalMart folks were winging it with regard to the band. Doc had thought we were going to play 3 songs. Oh, well, it was enough for one morning. I took Deb home and then went to Larry's funeral.

At the funeral, I hung out with the other Scouts and we talked about Larry. He'd been involved in Scouts since his son started, way back in '86, so there was lots of Scout stuff to talk about. Then we were all directed into the auditorium where there was a regular worship service and lots of people stood up and said wonderful things about Larry. I especially enjoyed the stories from his best friend, Dale, who was also in the Scout troop. After all the kind words and funny stories and poignant memories, we were all directed downstairs for a luncheon, which was nice.  And we got to talk about Larry some more.

Interesting how going to a funeral always makes me wonder what will be said at my own. No one is going to talk about my accomplishments (because there aren't any), but I sure hope someone mentions that I love my family. I definitely don't want to be one of those people about whom it is said, He should've spent more time with his family.

Does puttering in the garage count?

Thursday, August 7

Took Mary for a drive over at the school so she could practice before she goes for her drive tomorrow with her driving instructor. She's hilarious behind the wheel. Laughs whenever she makes a mistake. Can't wait to see how she does out on the road!

Friday, August 8

Cheryl and I went out on a date to Menards to get some plastic pipe for the irrigation system, and the electrical boxes for the Youth Center. And a few other things that caught our fancy.

Saturday, August 9

Working on the Subaru again. Finished up the right rear brake line, so switched over to the left rear. The rusted bolts slowed me down a bit, so had to leave it soaking in solvent.

Took Mary driving again, but she was very tired so we didn't go for long. But we did stop at the grocery store and pick up ice cream, which always makes us feel better.

Then we watched the first 2 episodes of Bletchley Circle. Very interesting show. Kind of sad and exciting, all at the same time.

Sunday, August 10

My favorite Sunday School kids brought me fudge from Mackinac Island! My day is made.

In the afternoon, I was finally able to get that stubborn bolt off the left rear brake line. Maybe tomorrow I can put it all back together.

Monday, August 11

Mary chatted my ear off on the way home from her Driving lesson. She's got a lot to talk about, and she always seems so cheery! Wish I felt so happy all the time.

Got the news about Robin Williams at home. So the kids decided to watch Aladdin in his honor. Or at least to hear his voice again.

Tuesday, August 12

Today is the big day for Sabrina. Her official adoption ceremony down at the courthouse! Unfortunately, I am not able to go. But Cheryl and Deb did. Then they went over to the Drivers for the celebration. (I had to work late.)

In the evening, it's time for Marching Band practice. The green tractor won't start. Dead battery. Not sure how that happened, since it hasn't been used since last week. Is there a short circuit somewhere?

Starting to get anxious about the Metro Cruise, which is next week.

Wednesday, August 13

Installed a new extension pipe on the side of the house so we could use the irrigation system, and tested it.  Then worked on the Subaru brake lines again. Still not done.

Still anxious about the Metro Cruise.

Thursday, August 14

Picking up Mary from Driver Training again. Fell asleep in the car waiting for her. Why am I so tired?

After dinner, it was time for Marching Band practice so we can get ready for Metro Cruise performance. The water crew needs another table. The new/used tractor needs a new gas tank. Ross wants carts for the Metro Cruise, so we'll need both trailers.  We'll need Kevin to drive.

Friday, August 15

Friday at last! We're heading down to South Bend to hang out with the Rice family. And have a barbecue!

Once we got down to South Bend, we stopped at the local Meijer to pick up some picnic supplies, leaving Deb and James in the car. Apparently they left the fan on in the car while were gone and that was enough to kill the battery, because it wouldn't start when we got back in.  So we got back out and marched right back in the store and bought another battery and installed it into the car and it started right up and we went on to the Rice's and had a nice barbecue and then Alban and Sue and Cheryl and I went on a double-date to Menards to buy some supplies for the screen door repair, and we went back and worked on the screen door until past ten o'clock and then drove home and got to the house around one in the morning.

We were very tired.

Saturday, August 16

Yeah, we slept in. So sue us!

Worked on the Subaru brakes again. Installed a short coupler on the line underneath the back seat and tried bleeding the left rear, but it keeps dripping and won't stiffen up, so I'm going to have to pull it apart again and put the teflon tape on the threads. Rats.

Ran over to the church to install some outlets in the Youth Center.  Tried to pull the old light strips out, but they are too high up on the wall and I can't reach them.

In the evening, the Dills had another get-together for Tabby so Cheryl and I went over and chatted a while, but didn't stay very long because we were both still very tired.  Good bratwurst, though!

Sunday, August 17

Taught Sunday School and Crew 2, then Adam and I went to the cafe for Writer's group. After that was done, we drove over to the old Klingman's to check out the Metro Cruise site. Trying to figure out where we'll park the trailer, where the carts will need to go. The parking lot is all busted up since they haven't been in business for a few years; the grass is coming up through the asphalt and I'm not sure if the carts will be able to move over it. Maybe the ground crew working the Cruise will take care of it. I hope.

Went home and took a short nap, then got up for a leftover dinner followed by Chitty-Chitty Bang Bang. Tabby was over, too, and James was trying to copy the pictures on her SD card, but he doesn't have an SD card reader; so I used my laptop to copy them over to the terabyte drive.

Monday, August 18

Got up early to run.  My time is getting better! 5:55 - 6:12 (17 minutes).

Stupid cat pooped in the butler area. Checked the litter box; it was beyond messy. Someone obviously has forgotten an item on their chore list. Ick. Off to work!

Called up Lacks to make arrangements to have the Marching Band trailer moved over to Klingman's on Friday for the Metro Cruise.

Then went over to the little key kiosk near Sears to have the keys made for the new band director. Surprise! The kiosk is gone. Moved. Vanished. Talked to the guy at Sears and he was able to give me the name of an alternate key shop. While I was there at the mall, I checked out Radio Shack to see if they had the audio adapter that got bent, but bagged it at the last minute because something just felt wrong. Was it the fact that the item I was looking at was in the wrong place? Not sure. Bugged out. Drove down to Caledonia to hang out at the library, waiting for Mary to finish up Driver training. Nice library. Got about half an hour of work in, then started to drive over to the Driver Training office but saw Larry Zehr in the parking lot, so stopped to say hello before leaving. Waited out in front of the Driver Training office for Mary, then headed home for dinner.

Took out the blower resistor pack in the Pontiac to find out why there are only two fan speeds instead of the normal five. Looks to be mostly burned out, so I'll have to get another one.

Mary gave us her letter tonight, the one that tells us that we don't know anything about her and we are complete failures as parents (at least that's the way I'm reading it). Well, that was a shocker! Why is it always the parents who are the last to know? Discussed with Cheryl til late at night.  And even later.

Tuesday, August 19

Today's counseling session with Adam went well, I suppose. It was very emotional. It's weird to be talking to one's children though the use of an interpreter. Makes me feel (again) like a total failure. I can't even talk to my own children without going through someone else?  Where did I go wrong?

Picking up Mary from Driver Training. Then off to Marching Band practice. There was lightning, so the kids stayed inside so I called the Pit Crew and told them not to bother coming. Then I went over to the auto parts store and got a blower resistor pack and went home and installed it and -- it worked! Well, it's nice to have a little success.

Tried to write a response to Mary's letter, but couldn't find a good stopping place.  There's just too much to say, and I'm not sure what is useful and what is just not. Cheryl sent hers instead. It's shorter and to the point.

Wednesday, August 20

My brain is fried. I just want to work on cars, do something I know how to do. There's so much to do!

Found water in the trunk of the Pontiac. I suspect it's from the inexplicable hole between the trunk lid and the rim, where the rubber post is missing. The tool bag is soaked. I take it out and empty the tools out onto the garage bench and dry them off. Then dry out the trunk. And fill the hole with a rubber seal. And wait for the next rain.

Thursday, August 21

Too mentally spent to drive to work, so stayed at home instead. Telecommuting. During breaks, I put the Subaru on the charger, took Mary to Driver Training, spent an hour at the library reading the latest Hugo Award winners. Attended the Driver Training "Wake Up the Parents" session. Then went home for some dinner. Cheryl is over at the middle school helping with registration. Sabrina is our guest. And Adam decides do use inappropriate language at the table. I'm mortified. And angry. But there's not enough time to deal with it right there. Deb and Sabrina and I have to rush off to Marching Band practice. James is off to Worship Band practice.

We were expecting rain -- it would have fit my mood perfectly - but it only sprinkled. The Pit crew fixed up the green tractor, installing the new gas tank and removing all the extraneous items. Kevin hurt his hand trying to set up the tow bar for his truck. He and Lowell and Dave worked on the new bicycle prop or the Color Guard. Got most of them put together, except for the middle rod and the PVC glue. Lowell is taking all the stuff home to finish up. We also loaded up the drum cabinets into the trailer and got them ready for tie-down.

After the band was done with practice, we loaded up all the equipment in the two trailers ready for tomorrow's Metro Cruise performance.

Deb took the Pontiac home, unfortunately right before Mrs. Mantia showed up to get the receipts (which were in the car).  Kinda steamed me up, since I'd promised to have them there. Makes me look like a schmuck. And I'd gone all the way home to get them, too! My mood is not improving.

Friday, August 22

Here it is, our 22nd anniversary, on the 22nd of August, and I am feeling completely overwhelmed with non-romantic anxiety. What a day.

When I got home from work, Cheryl and I talked about the evils of the internet and the negative influence it is having on our children. That, and the evil movies with bad language. I'm ready to get rid of all the movies and turn off the internet completely.

But there is that Metro Cruise to deal with first. I have to be over at the school by 5:45 to meet up with the truck driver who is pulling our big rig, and with Kevin and Lowell, so we can head over to Klingman's. Once we get there, we start setting up the carts & tractors, and then help the kid get ready. Then watch the performance. Then pack the whole thing up again, getting back to the school by 9 or something. Then home to (hopefully) relax.

Saturday, August 23

It's time to pack up the office downstairs in preparation for the remodel, so I got some boxes down from the attic. Then worked on the Subaru brakes again until, miracle of miracles, it was all done. Now for the bumper repair!

Since we were unable to go out last night for our anniversary, we decided to go out tonight to one of our "usual" places, Thai Fusion, then over to Menards for some remodeling supplies. We looked at new lights and got some cans for the overhead bathroom lights, then looked at the bricks we might use for the driveway extension.

Sunday, August 24

The new multi-colored lamp looks great in my Sunday School classroom, and it put out just the right amount of light for our "What's in the Bible" presentation of the story of Job. The kids enjoyed the show, then we read excerpts.

After church and a nice, long nap, it was time to finish up the bumper work, take the Subaru for a test drive, then install two more bike lifts on the garage ceiling.

After our weekly family meeting, we watched "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat", the version with Donny Osmond. I remembered watching this oh so many years ago back in Washington and marveled that the kids were all so grown up now.  Where has the time gone?

Monday, August 25

Had to go out and buy some more rope to hang the rest of the bicycles up in the garage because the rope I had was too short. Then installed some filters on the wifi so I can track the internet usage.

Tuesday, August 26

Surprise, surprise! I got home from work and was swamped by children demanding the wifi password.  Sheesh! Hey, can we have some dinner first??

Then it was Marching Band practice, this time out on the field in the stadium. We had to scramble to get everything out there.

And I get my welder from Dan! Yay!

Wednesday, August 27

Home sick. But working on stuff (because stuff needs fixing). Computers. Garage cleanup. Trombone repair. Went on an outing with Cheryl and Mary to Home Depot (for soldering stuff and new drill), Hobby Lobby (for birthday card & art supplies for Mary), Comprenew (for DVD drive and LEDs and 10-key for Cheryl), the key-making place on Burton and Kalamazoo (for Natalie's tower key), the post office (to mail check to Vanguard and Uncle Joe's card). The key place could not do the key. Home to work on the trombone, put together the exhaust to see how much fun I'm going to have welding, help James with his video/sound issues (which took a lot longer than I had thought it would), Tried to get keys made, no good. It's apparently a weird/one-off key.

Dinner with the family. Working on the trombone fix. Got it done. Over to the school to check on batteries. Took out the battery shelf because I'm sick and tired of the battery being stuck in the holder. I'll probably have to cut the holder apart to get the battery out!

Still feeling ill.

Thursday, August 28

Still ill. Working from home. Also working in the garage pulling the battery shelf apart. Took forever, with lots of hammering/bending/sawing/drilling. Tried to use the battery-powered hacksaw by wiring it up to the car battery, but that didn't work very well. Charged up a Kawasaki battery and that worked much better. Not sure why. But the ultimate solution was still beating/bending the metal back and forth until it broke.

But it took way too long, so now I'm in a panic about the game tonight. As in, I need to get over there immediately. I thought 5:15 would be time enough, but it turns out the band was supposed to be there by 5. Did I miss the memo? The rest of the team was already there, so we scrambled to get everything ready so we could get it over to the stadium. And they put on a show, both pre-game and half-time. And then we waited til the end of the game to take it all back and put everything away. And then I stayed at the school until all the band kids were picked up.

Still not feeling well.

Friday, August 29

Still not feeling well, but I'm going to work. By 8:30.  Because there is a Test Training meeting @ 10. And I don't want to miss it.

After a long day of work, I went home to try and relax so maybe my body would heal itself. The kids had home-made pizza; Cheryl and I went out to Panera because I was in the mood for cheddar broccoli soup and a nice, quiet chat with my wife.  Then we went to Menards (again) to look at a few things and dream about getting the basement done.

Some day.

Saturday, August 30

Really feeling rotten.  What's up with this thing? I took the cough meds then tried to stay awake during Mary's drive @ 10. But it was hard. An hour in the car, then home again. Napped. Then tried to get a few things done out in the garage, but kept getting distracted by one thing or another.  Worked on the wifi router again, trying to get the stupid thing to email the logs to me, but it kept rejecting my authorization.

Sunday, August 31

Still feeling rotten. Did Sunday School, but came home right afterward and took a nap.

After getting up from my nap, I worked on the lattice gate for underneath the deck, and then it was time for our weekly family meeting at 6. I borrowed "The Giver" from Deb and finished it after a couple hours.  Wanted to borrow "Rocket Boys" from Mary but she was still working on her book report.

Still coughing.