Saint Valentine.
No one can agree on the identity of this early Christian martyr. The name is not unique; it is derived from the Latin 'valens' which means worthy, strong, or powerful.
Can you imagine how many people of the Latin persuasion named their kids Valentine (or Valentina, if a girl)? I would guess a very large number.
They wanted their children to be worthy, strong, powerful. Certainly if those children were willing to give up their lives to live as 'followers of the Christ', they qualified.
Seems kind of weird to associate that kind of deep, abiding agape love with the notion of romantic love.
What is romantic love, anyway? What kind of love brings two people together and bonds them so strongly that they are willing to forsake all other possible partners?
Certainly more than the eros love portrayed by the media, the lust for physical perfection, the pleasure of visual or emotional satisfaction, the fulfillment of the passionate desires of mind and body. That kind of love is vapid, short-lived, and subject to the whims of feelings, moments, and environmental changes.
My criteria for true romantic love is the same as that defined by agape love: a willingness to put aside all one's personal, selfish desires for the sake of another. To please, protect, and preserve another to the exclusion of all other concerns. To have such a deep and abiding affection for someone else so as to be wiling to give up one's own life.
The image that always comes to mind, the scenario which I present to my children when they are contemplating the question of whether they are 'in love' or not, is this:
Imagine that that wonderful person for whom you have fallen head-over-heels is involved in a terrible accident. They are paralyzed from the neck down, and there is no hope that they will ever recover. If you truly love this person, you will spend the rest of your life taking care of their every need, foregoing all other selfish pursuits.
Is that something you can handle?
If not, you are not really in love.
Because love, True Love, is a choice, not a feeling.
No one can agree on the identity of this early Christian martyr. The name is not unique; it is derived from the Latin 'valens' which means worthy, strong, or powerful.
Can you imagine how many people of the Latin persuasion named their kids Valentine (or Valentina, if a girl)? I would guess a very large number.
They wanted their children to be worthy, strong, powerful. Certainly if those children were willing to give up their lives to live as 'followers of the Christ', they qualified.
Seems kind of weird to associate that kind of deep, abiding agape love with the notion of romantic love.
What is romantic love, anyway? What kind of love brings two people together and bonds them so strongly that they are willing to forsake all other possible partners?
Certainly more than the eros love portrayed by the media, the lust for physical perfection, the pleasure of visual or emotional satisfaction, the fulfillment of the passionate desires of mind and body. That kind of love is vapid, short-lived, and subject to the whims of feelings, moments, and environmental changes.
My criteria for true romantic love is the same as that defined by agape love: a willingness to put aside all one's personal, selfish desires for the sake of another. To please, protect, and preserve another to the exclusion of all other concerns. To have such a deep and abiding affection for someone else so as to be wiling to give up one's own life.
The image that always comes to mind, the scenario which I present to my children when they are contemplating the question of whether they are 'in love' or not, is this:
Imagine that that wonderful person for whom you have fallen head-over-heels is involved in a terrible accident. They are paralyzed from the neck down, and there is no hope that they will ever recover. If you truly love this person, you will spend the rest of your life taking care of their every need, foregoing all other selfish pursuits.
Is that something you can handle?
If not, you are not really in love.
Because love, True Love, is a choice, not a feeling.
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