We've been doing a lot of research on the Aspergers thing, trying to figure out what it is we're supposed to do in order to provide support and affirmation and all those things that parents want so desperately to provide for our children. Most of what we've read has to do with the alternate reality / universe that exists for Aspergians, how they view the world from a strictly logical viewpoint which so very rarely synchronizes with neurotypical folk, how they get so very frustrated trying to figure out the rules of society because those rules don't make sense. Society does not run on logic, but on people's ability to figure out what other people are thinking and/or feeling. Which Aspergians cannot do without lots of help.
I can't come up with a good analogy in order to understand what is going on inside my son's head. But one of the books -- which was actually written by someone with Asperger's -- mentioned that he (the writer) managed to "get by" in public by putting on other personas. And I can totally relate to that. Because as an introvert, it is impossible for me to go out in public without putting on a kind of mask. Sometimes the mask is only a slight departure from my "normal" self; other times, it's so completely different from the 'me' inside that I wonder if I'm suffering from multiple-personality disorder.
Being around kids is easy for me because my internal maturity level froze up around the age of seventeen. That was a great year. I could've stayed that age forever. But then there was graduation and college and career, and it became necessary to act a lot more mature than I really am. Yuck.
It's very difficult to be around adults, especially adults that expect me to behave mature. I'd rather be doing crafts with my Sunday School class, which consists of third and fourth graders. They know how to have fun! And they don't take life quite so seriously. After all, what's important in life, anyway? Having fun. Having snacks. Knowing that God (our Eternal Parent) is in charge and everything will be Fine. Oh, and nap time. That's important, too!
Dealing with adults, though, means I have to put on a Big Person mask. Talk about Big Person stuff. Like Work. Relationships. Theology. Issues.
That's hard work. Exhausting. So I can't wait to get home and take off all the masks and just be myself. If I have to be mature and adult all day long, it wears me out.
And if it's that hard for me, it's a lot harder for someone with Asperger's. At least I can read people's body language and facial expressions and tone of voice to figure out appropriate responses. But people with Asperger's are playing darts in the dark, just hoping to get something on the board.
It's amazing that of them have become very successful, married, had kids, actually faked their way into a seemingly "normal" life. They managed to create a persona that fit in with the rest of the world, at least for awhile. But there was always something ... odd ... about them. Like one of those absent-minded professors. Except some of them weren't professors. And it went a bit beyond absent-mindedness. And their families just couldn't figure out what was going on with them. Sometimes things worked out. Other times, things started to go south and everything fell apart.
We don't want that for Adam. He's incredibly smart, he's a lot of fun to be around (if you're into languages and games), he can be very sweet and affectionate when it suits him. He has such incredible potential.
Now we just need to figure out how to help him achieve that potential.
I can't come up with a good analogy in order to understand what is going on inside my son's head. But one of the books -- which was actually written by someone with Asperger's -- mentioned that he (the writer) managed to "get by" in public by putting on other personas. And I can totally relate to that. Because as an introvert, it is impossible for me to go out in public without putting on a kind of mask. Sometimes the mask is only a slight departure from my "normal" self; other times, it's so completely different from the 'me' inside that I wonder if I'm suffering from multiple-personality disorder.
Being around kids is easy for me because my internal maturity level froze up around the age of seventeen. That was a great year. I could've stayed that age forever. But then there was graduation and college and career, and it became necessary to act a lot more mature than I really am. Yuck.
It's very difficult to be around adults, especially adults that expect me to behave mature. I'd rather be doing crafts with my Sunday School class, which consists of third and fourth graders. They know how to have fun! And they don't take life quite so seriously. After all, what's important in life, anyway? Having fun. Having snacks. Knowing that God (our Eternal Parent) is in charge and everything will be Fine. Oh, and nap time. That's important, too!
Dealing with adults, though, means I have to put on a Big Person mask. Talk about Big Person stuff. Like Work. Relationships. Theology. Issues.
That's hard work. Exhausting. So I can't wait to get home and take off all the masks and just be myself. If I have to be mature and adult all day long, it wears me out.
And if it's that hard for me, it's a lot harder for someone with Asperger's. At least I can read people's body language and facial expressions and tone of voice to figure out appropriate responses. But people with Asperger's are playing darts in the dark, just hoping to get something on the board.
It's amazing that of them have become very successful, married, had kids, actually faked their way into a seemingly "normal" life. They managed to create a persona that fit in with the rest of the world, at least for awhile. But there was always something ... odd ... about them. Like one of those absent-minded professors. Except some of them weren't professors. And it went a bit beyond absent-mindedness. And their families just couldn't figure out what was going on with them. Sometimes things worked out. Other times, things started to go south and everything fell apart.
We don't want that for Adam. He's incredibly smart, he's a lot of fun to be around (if you're into languages and games), he can be very sweet and affectionate when it suits him. He has such incredible potential.
Now we just need to figure out how to help him achieve that potential.
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