James is an Old Man!!

Once upon a time, there was a boy named James who suddenly, inexplicably, was attacked by the EEE-vil forces of the "Axis of Geriatric Enemies" (A.G.E.) who wanted him to become an Old Man with gray hair and arthritis and creaky bones and aching joints. But James was, after all, only sixteen years and didn't deserve such a horrible fate.

The EEE-vil forces of A.G.E. sent in a huge Army of Penguins to destroy whatever semblance of good health he might be enjoying by infusing him with massive doses of sugar.


He did his best to defeat the Army of Penguins, one at a time, using only his teeth.


Remarkably, his strategy worked and he was mildly successful. Except for a huge sugar rush which threatened to send him into a diabetic coma. Even though he's not diabetic. Yet.


Oddly enough, once his huge sugar rush had dissipated, he was given a weapon to use against the forces of EEE-vil which consisted of very sweet, very sugary bag of Chocolate Kisses from a not-so-secret admirer! (Face not shown so as to protect her identity.) Some suspect that this was actually some kind of Secret Code.


In addition to the encouragement he received from his not-so-secret admirer, he was also encouraged in his struggle against the forces of A.G.E. by many loving friends and relatives who sent him cards and notes and gifts.


Young James read them.


All of them.


And he was filled with joy upon receiving them. Especially the maroon ones.


So now we all know what color 'maroon' is.


And we know what 'chocolate' is.


And we know what Starbucks Gift Cards are.


Yes, young James was very pleased and content with his cards and gifts, a shower of love and affection from his friends and family.


And, like most of the Meyer family celebrations, it wouldn't be any fun at all if there wasn't a book involved!


So James was strengthened and heartened by the wonderful attentions from his friends, family and admirers, and was able to successfully defeat the EEE-vil forces of A.G.E.

At least for another year...