Monday, November 29, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
100 (+/-) Must-Read Books
This book-reading poll has been going around Facebook lately, and it intrigued me. Not that this particular list means anything; obviously, it was generated by someone with some bias (they evidently don't think much of cowboy books). But I thought it would be interesting to look through and find out how many of these books I'd actually read.
I threw in some extra ones that they accidentally left out, down near the bottom, so my list is a little longer than theirs.
1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Read this one after having married a woman with particularly good taste in literature. Didn't think I'd like it, and was surprised to find it a compelling book. Well-written, good drama, excellent characters.
2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
The ultimate fantasy epic, which everyone and their mother read back in the 70s (including, of course, yours truly). Best read while lying about in the bed with a bad cold. Which I did when I was a lad.
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
Oh, those Bronte sisters! This one took a while to get into, but then the pace increased until it all rolled up into a fiery ending.
4. Harry Potter and the {series} - JK Rowling
It's all Cheryl's fault. She got me started on this one. But JK and Stephen King have such unique writing styles that I find it difficult NOT to read anything they write. Fictionally, anyway.
5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
Read this for a school assignment a long, long time ago. This book was so remarkably easy to read, somewhat like the style of Scott Turow without all the bad language.
6. The Bible - various authors, one inspiration
For many people, this is read in short spurts on Sunday morning or during daily devotions, mostly covering the same ground again and again while leaving out the 'tedious' sections; but anyone who doesn't read the book all the way through is missing out on the epic story of humanity's struggle with sin and the hopeful conclusion which can only be realized at The End.
7a. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
7b. Tenant of Wildfell Hill - Anne Bronte
Again with the Bronte sisters! Wuthering Heights was classic, albeit complex novel which would require several readings to comprehend fully. The Tenant of Wildfell Hill is not quite as complex, but very similar in some aspects. I may read that one some day.
8. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
Read as a class assignment, this one was dark and dreary and did not engage my imagination as much as many other science fiction novels. After the breakup of the Soviet Union, its impact seemed to fade. Until recent political events manifested themselves into a deepening distrust of our own government.
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
This is a trilogy comprising Northern Lights (also known as The Golden Compass, which was recently made into a movie), The Subtle Knife, and The Amber Spyglass. I have read none of the books; after seeing the trailer for the movie and reading reviews, I'm not likely to read them anytime soon.
10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
Read as a class assignment, this is one of those books which is clearly not served well by over-analyzation. It is evident that the author was paid by the word and not by the quality. There are certain scenes which impress upon the memory, but I really don't like the way Dickens works his little coincidental contrivances into the plot to wrap everything neatly together at the end. It breaks the momentum of reality.
11a. Little Women - Louisa May Alcott
11b. Little Men - Louisa May Alcott
Little Women was a college assignment, a 'quick read' for the purpose of contrasting it with another novel whose author and title escapes me. It was light-hearted, not nearly as heavy-handed as the Bronte works, so provided some relief from excessive density of thought. I particularly liked the fact that it was written about Americans in the Civil War time period.
12. Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
Back in High School, some of my friends had to read this novel and told me it was hopelessly depressing. Curiously piqued, I read the Cliff's notes and decided they were correct. It is not a novel that reads happily, nor ends happily.
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
This was read for fun in High School, out of sheer curiosity after seeing a portion of the movie. I've always liked Alan Arkin; he does the sane-man-in-an-insane-world quite well. He captured the character of Yossarian perfectly.
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare - Francis Bacon
Ha! Just kidding. It was actually written by William Shakespeare. We think. I didn't read the Complete Works til I married Cheryl, but by then we'd already seen several of the plays (she's definitely been a maturing influence on me) and I found it quite enlightening to read through the words after seeing each play, because there was so much that didn't make any sense the first time. The copious editor's notes helped a great deal in understanding the idioms of the day, so I could actually understand the numerous jokes, puns and riddles.
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
Nice twists and turns in this one. Good psychological thriller. Haven't see the 1940 movie yet, but ought to. Laurence Olivier, George Sanders, C. Aubrey Smith, Reginald Denny, Leo G. Carroll and, of course, Dame Judith Anderson.
16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
I got this one along with The Lord of the Rings series when I was a kid, so naturally read this one first. A bit more light-hearted, funny, but not one that calls out for re-reading as much.
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
Hmmm. Never heard of it.
18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
Read this one for fun during college. Wasn't really impressed. Probably because it didn't fit my psychological profile at the time. I was just trying to survive Calculus class, not get an English degree.
19. The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
Saw the movie trailer, but didn't find the plot very interesting. In fact, it sounded annoying. Might pick it up someday, but it'll probably give me a migraine.
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
I had started reading this one during one summer between college sessions, having watched a documentary on George Eliot, but quickly lost interest. Can't remember why.
21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
As with War and Peace, this novel just had to be read. As with most tomes of this weight and length, it was in the Bathroom Collection for months before being completed sometime near the end of my New York assignment.
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
This was assigned back in High School, I believe, but re-read it sometime in the last decade just to remind myself of the plot and characters because I had quite forgotten. That says something about the impact of the novel on my mind, which is to say, nil. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I was not a young man in the 1920's and didn't experience the life of the hoity-toity on Long Island.
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
Golly, what a ponderous book. Started reading it years ago, then picked it up again about a year or two ago just as a stress-reliever. Also started watching the movie on YouTube. Interesting characters, but when all is said and done, it just reminds me of how war can be such a touch-and-go affair, and affairs can be a touch-and-go war. And how a sad ending can be stretched out for a thousand pages.
25. The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
Read this one back in college when it was the 'in' thing to do (since we were also watching the television series on PBS). Hilarious. Read the other ones in the 'trilogy' when they came out, but none of them had quite the impact of the first. Actually, they became a bit wearisome. I wonder if the author started to run out of ideas. Still witty, I mean, but stale.
27a. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
27b. The Karamozov Brothers - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Started reading Crime and Punishment some twenty-odd years ago, but quickly lost interest. Same thing with Karamozov. Just didn't grip me.
28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
Had to read this one for a college assignment. Again, it's got a mindset that harks back to a kind of people with whom I'm not familiar. My generation was (mostly) too spoiled to understand the hardships these people endured, so it doesn't resonate with us as it does with previous generations. Maybe someone will write a novel about the hardships of dialup some day.
29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
Everyone read this one in Junior High or High School, I think. Didn't they? Certainly we did, in those halcyon days of our youth when the most fun thing to do on a Saturday was riding bikes to the Library to pick up a pile of books to devour.
30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Graham
This was one of those "read-while-sick-in-bed" books, so it captures a kind of meloncholy that doesn't exist anymore. The kind of English countryside meloncholy that came with 101 Dalmations (another fine book, by the way), tea and toast, family crests, punting down the river, and a fascination with all things mechanical and shiny.
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
Thought about this one, after seeing "The Shop Around the Corner", but Tolstoy's style is somewhat heavy for modern readers. It's on my bucket list.
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
Another Junior High or High School assignment. I liked this one much better than "Great Expectations", but that's not a ringing endorsement. After all this time, I'd be hard-pressed to remember the plot without a little help from Wikipedia.
33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
Never was much of a fan of these novels, although I'd read some of them when when younger. Wasn't enamored of the whole Narnia environment, nor impressed by the sometimes heavy-handed Churcho-of-England Christian worldview presented. Probably due to my own background in the Restoration movement, which preaches a back-to-the-Bible gospel without all the liturgical traditions. Plus I never was impressed by lions in comparison with some of the other animals. I always preferred The Jungle Book over this set.
34. Emma -Jane Austen
Read this one late in life, after watching the BBC adaptations. Trouble is, the heroine is not someone I'd care to hang out with, so it was difficult to feel a great deal of sympathy for her. Plus the fact that she's in love with a guy so much older. Fine for that day and age, but rather icky now that I have daughters of my own.
35. Persuasion - Jane Austen
Loved the BBC series, loved the book. Gripping drama, and anything with sea captains and loyal blood-brother types is OK with me. Oh, yeah, and there were some women in it, too. Anne really needed to stand up for herself a bit sooner.
36. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe - CS Lewis
(This is one of the seven books in the Chronicles of Narnia)
[See comments on #33]
37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
Saw this one coming out as a best-seller at the bookstores, thought I should take a look, but reading some previews, it sounded too icky (as in, really bad things happen to nice people).
38. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
Had never heard of it til the movie came out. Thought about seeing it, since Nicholas Cage was in it, but never did. Read some reviews and they mostly panned it. Sounded depressing. Not on my must-read list.
39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
Sounded mildly interesting, but never bothered to read it.
40. Winnie the Pooh - A.A. Milne
With four children, do you suppose I ever read this book? Actually, I'd read it long ago, before my brothers were even born. Then got a set of books for the kids, but they were (alas!) abridged. One day I'm going to re-read these classics to my grandchildren.
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell
Another Junior High or High School reading assignment, although I'd already read it back in 5th or 6th grade out of curiosity. Thought it was quite interesting at the time (this was in the 1970's) due to the background chatter of Soviet posturing and spy novels and 1984 and things like that, and it may have helped that we watched the animated version somewhere along the line, but its impact faded along with the Soviets.
42a. Angels & Demons - Dan Brown
42b. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
42c. The Lost Symbol - Dan Brown
Like most people, I didn't hear about this set of books until the 2nd one, The Da Vinci Code, came out. Had to read that one out of curiosity, too, but never bothered to read the others. Wasn't really impressed by all the ridiculously complex levels of plottery going on. Like "National Treasure" on steroids. Read through it, enjoyed the act of reading it, but can't remember any of the details now. To me, that says a lot about a book (in a negative way).
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Wowsers. That Marquez guy writes in a style that is quite different than anything else I had encountered before, and there is such a denseness that it defies my ability to comprehend everything. It can only be understood with several readings. Unfortunately, it hurts my head to read, so that won't be happening. I wonder if it was the translation that caused the problems?
44. A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
Heard about this one, but other than "The World According to Garp", I never was much of a John Irving fan. Some of the plots get so convoluted that my feeble brain just gives up on 'em. I'd like to try "The Cider House Rules", but haven't gotten around to it yet.
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
Never heard of the book or the author.
46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
I've seen the televised series so many times now, it has begun to overshadow the books. I read them after getting married, just to straighten out a few facts and get some extra details that had to be left out of the tv version. Sure takes you back to a different time and place.
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
Never read the book, but browsed through the Cliff's Notes in High School. Like many, I misinterpreted the word 'madding' and thought it similar to 'maddening', which most crowds are. I've always wanted to get 'far from the maddening crowd'. But from the notes I recall, the characters in the novel were kinda maddening, and I wasn't convinced it would be a pleasant read. Then again, since Monty Python took the time in their sketches to make fun of Thomas Hardy, there's got to be something to it, eh?
48. The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
Saw it, thought it might be interesting, but never read it. Sounds kinda sci-fi with a bit of Mormonism thrown in.
49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
High School assignment again. Read it. Was not really impressed, nor have I managed to remember any of the details, except that a group of boys left to themselves will find ways to kill themselves, given time and opportunity.
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
Saw the trailer for the movie (with Keira Knightley). Interesting premise. But I usually try to avoid these confrontational films. And books.
51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
Don't know anything about this one.
52. Dune - Frank Herbert
Everyone read "Dune" back in the 70's. Everyone who was into fantasy or sci-fi (or both). I found the book tedious and boring. Any questions?
(No, I didn't read the sequels.)
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
Don't know anything about this one, either.
54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
Read this one after being married, and after having watched the BBC series. Really liked it. Good characters. Good villains. Happy endings for all.
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
Nope. Haven't hard about this one.
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
Hmmm. Another one I haven't heard of.
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
Dickens again. Everyone read this one in High School, didn't they? Actually, I've read this one three or four times over the course of Junior High and High School, during my 'Musketeer' phase (after watching "The Three Musketeers" movie with Richard Chamberlain, Racquel Welch, et al). Loved the beginning, loved the ending, and thoroughly enjoyed everything in between. Also read "The Scarlet Pimpernel" at this time. Anyone read that one?
58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
There was this weird 1970s-era TV movie of this one that I remember parts of - you can find it on YouTube now - that got me interested in the book. I had thought it was something related to race relations, but instead it turned out to be sci-fi instead. Bleak ending, though, if I recall. Kinda 1984-like.
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
Dum-de-dum. Never heard of this one, either.
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Oh, my. Marquez again. More of the dense writing, more of the bizarre plot, lots of dreary death stuff.
61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
High School again. Short book, as I recall. Only took an afternoon or so to read. Another bleak kind of ending, with the death of big, dumb Lennie. Depressing but inevitable.
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
Everyone says they read this one, but I wonder how many really have. It was one of those 'racy' books that all boys thought contained lurid details of what sex was all about, back when none of us knew what was going on. I started reading it but quickly lost interest. Now I can't keep straight what I read in the book, and what I read in a movie review. It probably doesn't matter.
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
Never heard of this one.
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
Heard of this one, as did everyone else who was paying attention. Thought about seeing the movie, thought about picking up the book for a long coast-to-coast flight. I generally like murder mysteries, even when they're done from this ghostly angle. But haven't done anything about it yet.
65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
Read it during the Musketeers phase. Then again when my son had to do a book report on it. Still didn't find it as compelling as The Three Musketeers.
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
Had to read this one because anyone who even ponders the idea of becoming a writer has to read this book. I wasn't impressed by it. Just not my style. But interesting.
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
Hardy, oh Hardy, how little we can put up with you. Started reading it, quickly lost interest. Just didn't have enough 'zing' to it. Or I was totally in the wrong mood.
68. Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
Absolutely could not read this one. Didn't hear about it til the movie came out, and by then my image of it was colored by movie reviews and trailers and impressions from other people. Didn't find the premise interesting at all. Not enough techno-babble.
69. Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
Figured this one was a religio-political bombast, so never bothered to read it. Read "The Satanic Verses" back when it came out, just to be controversial, but didn't really get into that one, either.
70a. Moby Dick - Herman Melville
70b. Billy Bud - Herman Melville
Melville. Everyone reads a lot into Melville. I read these, but the style just didn't work for me.
71a. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
71b. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
71c. The Pickwick Papers - Charles Dickens
Dickens, my favorite 'paid-by-the-word' 19th-century writer. Was forced to read his works in school, then picked up some on the side hoping that my impression of the author had been discolored by the fact that they were assignments. Other than "A Christmas Carol", though, the stories got to be tedious and a tad bit too neatly tied up at the end. I don't mind happy endings, but syrupy happy endings make me ill.
72a. Dracula - Bram Stoker
72b. Frankenstein - Mary Shelley
As a horror movie fan from WAY back (used to stay up and watch all the great horror movies that were on TV after midnight on Friday nights), these two classics were must-reads in Junior High. Both were quite different than the movie versions (which actually surprised me back then). Frankenstein was more memorable for some reason, perhaps because of the story-within-a-story that is told by The Creature. And the fact that one story dealt with the supernatural, and the other with the super-scientific.
73a. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
73b. The Little Princess - Frances Hodgson Burnett
Read "The Little Princess" back in either Elementary or Junior High days - thought one of my sisters had brought it home from the Library, but I could be mistaken. I remember adoring the book, especially the part where the Indian sets up the feast in the attic for the girls. The Secret Garden wasn't nearly as memorable to me, but still quite good.
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
I read "A Walk in the Woods" a few years back and really enjoyed it. I'll probably get this one, too, especially since it deals with England. Cheryl and I are definitely going back to see more of England.
75. Ulysses - James Joyce
This is one of those novels that takes the patience of Job to get through. I read it out of sheer stubbornness. Every writer apparently has to read this bizarre book, if only to understand what sheer torture is about. I read many reviews and articles about this book as well, and they all identified its major flaw: it's too much work to read. I don't read to work; that's what programming is for. I read to relax, to learn, to enjoy. If a book is going to make me work, I expect to get paid for it. In cash.
76. The Inferno - Dante
Read this one out of curiosity over one winter a few years back. Interesting. But, again, not memorable. Must be a brain defect on my part. Everyone else seems to think it's the best thing since sliced bread.
77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
Nope, never heard of it. Heard of Arthur Ransome, though. He was one of those English literary types who were fascinated by the early Russian Revolution. Thought it was the greatest thing since sliced bread.
78. Germinal - Emile Zola
Haven't ever read "Germinal", but knew that Emile Zola was a key figure in the (in)famous Dreyfus affair. He was the one who publically accused the French Army leaders of complicity in the wrongful conviction of Captain Alfred Dreyfus.
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
Never got around to "Vanity Fair", but read several of his articles, and breezed through "The Luck of Barry Lyndon" back in college. Or was it high school? Can't remember anymore. I think this was during my first Mark Twain period when I was reading a lot of satirical works.
80. Possession - A.S. Byatt
Never heard of this author, or the book.
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
The ultimate Dickens, the only story of his that I've read and watched numerous times and parodized almost as many, so much so that my wonderful wife got me a very nice collector version of the book for Christmas!
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
Never heard of this book, or Author.
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
Read this one back in Seattle while dating Cheryl. We'd seen the movie together - I think we saw it on video, not in an actual theater - and it piqued my interest enough to read the book. It was depressing.
84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
Saw the movie with Anthony Hopkins and Emma Thompson, so naturally had to read the book. It was incredibly sad, so many missed opportunities for happiness. But it also showed me that it was possible to live a happy life by being content with what you are given, and with the choices you have made, even if many of them were the wrong ones.
85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
Someone had told me in my youth that this was one of those 'banned' books that contained a lot of smutty filth, so naturally I had to get hold of it. It was not what I expected. It was another of those depressing, how-low-can-you-go kinds of books where human depravity results from people's lack of ability to be content with what they have chosen. In this case, a woman, lusting after luxury and susceptible to boredom, destroys her life and those of the people she is supposed to be loving.
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
Never heard of this one.
87a. Charlotte’s Web - E.B. White
87b. The Elements of Style - E.B. White
87c. Stuart Little - E.B. White
Anything by E.B. White is guaranteed not only to be well-written, but enjoyable. I didn't get into Charlotte's Web as much as my sisters, but I thoroughly enjoyed Stuart Little ... except the fact that he never finished it. It could use ten or twenty additional chapters, making it an epic of the "Wind in the Willows" variety.
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
Haven't gotten around to reading this particular book, but did read "Tuesdays with Morrie" when the TV movie came out. I'd read articles from Mitch in Parade and other magazines, and knew that he played with the "Rock Bottom Remainders" (Dave Barry, Stephen King, Amy Tan, Scott Turow, et al).
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Every boy is required to read the Sherlock Holmes stories. We had this Reader's Digest book when I was a kid, and it featured "The Adventure of the Speckled Band", which was my first experience with Mr. Holmes and Watson. I found a few anthologies in the elementary school library, but never finished the entire collection until much later. Got it for my own boys, too, but they didn't seem as impressed. Of course, they weren't enamored of Encyclopedia Brown, either.
90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
Read some of the "Secret Seven" series from Mrs. Blyton, but don't remember this particular set. Might have to look it up.
91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
I can't remember if I read this before or after seeing "Apocalypse Now", but they're now so wound up in my memory that it probably doesn't matter. The movie was a long and arduous trip through from sanity to deranged violence; the book was a long and tedious trip from one kind of darkness to another. It isn't a book I ever plan to re-read.
92. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery (in French)
I struggled through this book in the original French back when I was taking French class in High School. It wasn't an assignment; it was just something I decided to do in order to improve my understanding of the French language. I'm not sure if it worked or not. I also got the English translation and put them side-by-side. There were a lot of interesting differences.
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
I've read some articles by Iain Banks in the New Scientist, but haven't read any of his novels.
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams
Read this classic during my "Wind in the Willows" phase in Junior High or High School. Read "Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH" about the same time. Both were fascinating epics, but for some reason, I tired of the rabbits before the rats. Later, after reading some reviews of this book, I realized how much I'd missed of the theme and point of the novel, so re-read it -- but didn't enjoy it nearly as much the second time. Too many "messages" in this one. [Even later, reading interviews of Richard Adams, it was revealed that all those deep "meanings" were pure hogwash, written by self-promoting reviewers who didn't have the common sense to simply accept that it was a clever and well-written children's story which was written to amuse the author's children.]
95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
Heard about this book but can't remember where or when. It was published posthumously (the author committed suicide), and it's about New Orleans. That's all I remember.
96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shut
Heard about a movie of this book, before I knew it was a book. Saw some clips. It's about a woman who settles in Australia after World War 2, having undergone some hardships. Sounds interesting. Might read it.
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
Again, read this one during my swashbuckling days of youth. Fantastic novel. Tried reading the original French, like I did with The Little Prince, but it was difficult to find in the local library. I could probably find it now.
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare
Part of the Collected Works, right? Been there, done that. And seen at least five filmed or staged versions.
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
Read this one in Elementary school after seeing Willy Wonka on TV. The book was similar to the movie yet very different, chiefly in the bizarre characterization of Willy Wonka. Took quite a while to get the action going, and the bedridden grandparents was annoying. Also the bit where Charlie and his grandfather don't get the ticket, and then later Charlie gets it on his own. That was just a plain tease.
100a. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
100b. The Hunchback of Notre Dame - Victor Hugo
These novels are just so depressing. Les Miserables is long and complex; Hunchback feels shorter but the action isn't quite as intense (at least, the action I remember). I read Les Miserables after seeing the Broadway musical. I read Hunchback in Junior High or High School after seeing the original Lon Chaney version on a Saturday afternoon cinema thing on TV, and the Charles Laughton version on a Friday night horror show.
BONUS SECTION
101. The Mouse and His Child - Russell and Lillian Hoban
This is, for me, the ultimate novel. I read and re-read and re-re-read this book as a child, and again as an adult, and never tire of reading it. For some reason, it 'clicks' in my head. Still not sure why.
102. Presumed Innocent - Scott Turow
Again, one of those books I am compelled to re-read every now and then. The style, the characters, the mystery - I'm not sure what it is that draws me, but it does.
103. The Shining - Stephen King
Jan and her friends got me started on Stephen King, and the 70s and 80s were my Addicted to King years. Read and collected everything he wrote. Then got married, and started having kids, and had to get rid of them. The pernicious use of bad language throughout was not something I wanted to explain to my children, and it was having a negative influence on my own tongue. Also, the themes were getting really weird, and that was having a negative effect on my psyche. I believe a really good writer finds ways to tell a story without degrading the reader's spirit. My spirit said, "Nevermore".
104. Huckleberry Finn - Mark Twain
I find it difficult to accept this list as authoritative without even one book by Twain; by far, he is one of the best writers in history. This particular book I can re-read over and over again. In fact, Twain is among the few writers I can re-read any time, any where, any work. I admire his wit, his sarcasm, his way of turning a phrase. And he has a way of putting real characters into my head that seem very real.
In Summary
I 'scored' somewhere in the 70s out of about a hundred books. That's probably not too bad, considering I dropped out of the reading scene due to overwork a few years ago, and now there are far too many projects in the house to find adequate time to read the really long novels (and keep the plots in my head). Maybe one day I'll catch up again. But I'd rather be writing than reading.
Additional Suggested Reading
Treasure Island - Robert Louis Stevenson
The Foundation Trilogy - Isaac Asimov
I, Robot - Isaac Asimov
The Martian Chronicles - Ray Bradbury
Bridge Over the River Kwai - Pierre Boulle (also wrote Planet of the Apes
I threw in some extra ones that they accidentally left out, down near the bottom, so my list is a little longer than theirs.
1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Read this one after having married a woman with particularly good taste in literature. Didn't think I'd like it, and was surprised to find it a compelling book. Well-written, good drama, excellent characters.
2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
The ultimate fantasy epic, which everyone and their mother read back in the 70s (including, of course, yours truly). Best read while lying about in the bed with a bad cold. Which I did when I was a lad.
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
Oh, those Bronte sisters! This one took a while to get into, but then the pace increased until it all rolled up into a fiery ending.
4. Harry Potter and the {series} - JK Rowling
It's all Cheryl's fault. She got me started on this one. But JK and Stephen King have such unique writing styles that I find it difficult NOT to read anything they write. Fictionally, anyway.
5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
Read this for a school assignment a long, long time ago. This book was so remarkably easy to read, somewhat like the style of Scott Turow without all the bad language.
6. The Bible - various authors, one inspiration
For many people, this is read in short spurts on Sunday morning or during daily devotions, mostly covering the same ground again and again while leaving out the 'tedious' sections; but anyone who doesn't read the book all the way through is missing out on the epic story of humanity's struggle with sin and the hopeful conclusion which can only be realized at The End.
7a. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
7b. Tenant of Wildfell Hill - Anne Bronte
Again with the Bronte sisters! Wuthering Heights was classic, albeit complex novel which would require several readings to comprehend fully. The Tenant of Wildfell Hill is not quite as complex, but very similar in some aspects. I may read that one some day.
8. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
Read as a class assignment, this one was dark and dreary and did not engage my imagination as much as many other science fiction novels. After the breakup of the Soviet Union, its impact seemed to fade. Until recent political events manifested themselves into a deepening distrust of our own government.
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
This is a trilogy comprising Northern Lights (also known as The Golden Compass, which was recently made into a movie), The Subtle Knife, and The Amber Spyglass. I have read none of the books; after seeing the trailer for the movie and reading reviews, I'm not likely to read them anytime soon.
10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
Read as a class assignment, this is one of those books which is clearly not served well by over-analyzation. It is evident that the author was paid by the word and not by the quality. There are certain scenes which impress upon the memory, but I really don't like the way Dickens works his little coincidental contrivances into the plot to wrap everything neatly together at the end. It breaks the momentum of reality.
11a. Little Women - Louisa May Alcott
11b. Little Men - Louisa May Alcott
Little Women was a college assignment, a 'quick read' for the purpose of contrasting it with another novel whose author and title escapes me. It was light-hearted, not nearly as heavy-handed as the Bronte works, so provided some relief from excessive density of thought. I particularly liked the fact that it was written about Americans in the Civil War time period.
12. Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
Back in High School, some of my friends had to read this novel and told me it was hopelessly depressing. Curiously piqued, I read the Cliff's notes and decided they were correct. It is not a novel that reads happily, nor ends happily.
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
This was read for fun in High School, out of sheer curiosity after seeing a portion of the movie. I've always liked Alan Arkin; he does the sane-man-in-an-insane-world quite well. He captured the character of Yossarian perfectly.
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare - Francis Bacon
Ha! Just kidding. It was actually written by William Shakespeare. We think. I didn't read the Complete Works til I married Cheryl, but by then we'd already seen several of the plays (she's definitely been a maturing influence on me) and I found it quite enlightening to read through the words after seeing each play, because there was so much that didn't make any sense the first time. The copious editor's notes helped a great deal in understanding the idioms of the day, so I could actually understand the numerous jokes, puns and riddles.
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
Nice twists and turns in this one. Good psychological thriller. Haven't see the 1940 movie yet, but ought to. Laurence Olivier, George Sanders, C. Aubrey Smith, Reginald Denny, Leo G. Carroll and, of course, Dame Judith Anderson.
16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
I got this one along with The Lord of the Rings series when I was a kid, so naturally read this one first. A bit more light-hearted, funny, but not one that calls out for re-reading as much.
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
Hmmm. Never heard of it.
18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
Read this one for fun during college. Wasn't really impressed. Probably because it didn't fit my psychological profile at the time. I was just trying to survive Calculus class, not get an English degree.
19. The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
Saw the movie trailer, but didn't find the plot very interesting. In fact, it sounded annoying. Might pick it up someday, but it'll probably give me a migraine.
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
I had started reading this one during one summer between college sessions, having watched a documentary on George Eliot, but quickly lost interest. Can't remember why.
21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
As with War and Peace, this novel just had to be read. As with most tomes of this weight and length, it was in the Bathroom Collection for months before being completed sometime near the end of my New York assignment.
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
This was assigned back in High School, I believe, but re-read it sometime in the last decade just to remind myself of the plot and characters because I had quite forgotten. That says something about the impact of the novel on my mind, which is to say, nil. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I was not a young man in the 1920's and didn't experience the life of the hoity-toity on Long Island.
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
Golly, what a ponderous book. Started reading it years ago, then picked it up again about a year or two ago just as a stress-reliever. Also started watching the movie on YouTube. Interesting characters, but when all is said and done, it just reminds me of how war can be such a touch-and-go affair, and affairs can be a touch-and-go war. And how a sad ending can be stretched out for a thousand pages.
25. The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
Read this one back in college when it was the 'in' thing to do (since we were also watching the television series on PBS). Hilarious. Read the other ones in the 'trilogy' when they came out, but none of them had quite the impact of the first. Actually, they became a bit wearisome. I wonder if the author started to run out of ideas. Still witty, I mean, but stale.
27a. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
27b. The Karamozov Brothers - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Started reading Crime and Punishment some twenty-odd years ago, but quickly lost interest. Same thing with Karamozov. Just didn't grip me.
28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
Had to read this one for a college assignment. Again, it's got a mindset that harks back to a kind of people with whom I'm not familiar. My generation was (mostly) too spoiled to understand the hardships these people endured, so it doesn't resonate with us as it does with previous generations. Maybe someone will write a novel about the hardships of dialup some day.
29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
Everyone read this one in Junior High or High School, I think. Didn't they? Certainly we did, in those halcyon days of our youth when the most fun thing to do on a Saturday was riding bikes to the Library to pick up a pile of books to devour.
30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Graham
This was one of those "read-while-sick-in-bed" books, so it captures a kind of meloncholy that doesn't exist anymore. The kind of English countryside meloncholy that came with 101 Dalmations (another fine book, by the way), tea and toast, family crests, punting down the river, and a fascination with all things mechanical and shiny.
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
Thought about this one, after seeing "The Shop Around the Corner", but Tolstoy's style is somewhat heavy for modern readers. It's on my bucket list.
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
Another Junior High or High School assignment. I liked this one much better than "Great Expectations", but that's not a ringing endorsement. After all this time, I'd be hard-pressed to remember the plot without a little help from Wikipedia.
33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
Never was much of a fan of these novels, although I'd read some of them when when younger. Wasn't enamored of the whole Narnia environment, nor impressed by the sometimes heavy-handed Churcho-of-England Christian worldview presented. Probably due to my own background in the Restoration movement, which preaches a back-to-the-Bible gospel without all the liturgical traditions. Plus I never was impressed by lions in comparison with some of the other animals. I always preferred The Jungle Book over this set.
34. Emma -Jane Austen
Read this one late in life, after watching the BBC adaptations. Trouble is, the heroine is not someone I'd care to hang out with, so it was difficult to feel a great deal of sympathy for her. Plus the fact that she's in love with a guy so much older. Fine for that day and age, but rather icky now that I have daughters of my own.
35. Persuasion - Jane Austen
Loved the BBC series, loved the book. Gripping drama, and anything with sea captains and loyal blood-brother types is OK with me. Oh, yeah, and there were some women in it, too. Anne really needed to stand up for herself a bit sooner.
36. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe - CS Lewis
(This is one of the seven books in the Chronicles of Narnia)
[See comments on #33]
37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
Saw this one coming out as a best-seller at the bookstores, thought I should take a look, but reading some previews, it sounded too icky (as in, really bad things happen to nice people).
38. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
Had never heard of it til the movie came out. Thought about seeing it, since Nicholas Cage was in it, but never did. Read some reviews and they mostly panned it. Sounded depressing. Not on my must-read list.
39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
Sounded mildly interesting, but never bothered to read it.
40. Winnie the Pooh - A.A. Milne
With four children, do you suppose I ever read this book? Actually, I'd read it long ago, before my brothers were even born. Then got a set of books for the kids, but they were (alas!) abridged. One day I'm going to re-read these classics to my grandchildren.
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell
Another Junior High or High School reading assignment, although I'd already read it back in 5th or 6th grade out of curiosity. Thought it was quite interesting at the time (this was in the 1970's) due to the background chatter of Soviet posturing and spy novels and 1984 and things like that, and it may have helped that we watched the animated version somewhere along the line, but its impact faded along with the Soviets.
42a. Angels & Demons - Dan Brown
42b. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
42c. The Lost Symbol - Dan Brown
Like most people, I didn't hear about this set of books until the 2nd one, The Da Vinci Code, came out. Had to read that one out of curiosity, too, but never bothered to read the others. Wasn't really impressed by all the ridiculously complex levels of plottery going on. Like "National Treasure" on steroids. Read through it, enjoyed the act of reading it, but can't remember any of the details now. To me, that says a lot about a book (in a negative way).
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Wowsers. That Marquez guy writes in a style that is quite different than anything else I had encountered before, and there is such a denseness that it defies my ability to comprehend everything. It can only be understood with several readings. Unfortunately, it hurts my head to read, so that won't be happening. I wonder if it was the translation that caused the problems?
44. A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
Heard about this one, but other than "The World According to Garp", I never was much of a John Irving fan. Some of the plots get so convoluted that my feeble brain just gives up on 'em. I'd like to try "The Cider House Rules", but haven't gotten around to it yet.
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
Never heard of the book or the author.
46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
I've seen the televised series so many times now, it has begun to overshadow the books. I read them after getting married, just to straighten out a few facts and get some extra details that had to be left out of the tv version. Sure takes you back to a different time and place.
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
Never read the book, but browsed through the Cliff's Notes in High School. Like many, I misinterpreted the word 'madding' and thought it similar to 'maddening', which most crowds are. I've always wanted to get 'far from the maddening crowd'. But from the notes I recall, the characters in the novel were kinda maddening, and I wasn't convinced it would be a pleasant read. Then again, since Monty Python took the time in their sketches to make fun of Thomas Hardy, there's got to be something to it, eh?
48. The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
Saw it, thought it might be interesting, but never read it. Sounds kinda sci-fi with a bit of Mormonism thrown in.
49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
High School assignment again. Read it. Was not really impressed, nor have I managed to remember any of the details, except that a group of boys left to themselves will find ways to kill themselves, given time and opportunity.
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
Saw the trailer for the movie (with Keira Knightley). Interesting premise. But I usually try to avoid these confrontational films. And books.
51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
Don't know anything about this one.
52. Dune - Frank Herbert
Everyone read "Dune" back in the 70's. Everyone who was into fantasy or sci-fi (or both). I found the book tedious and boring. Any questions?
(No, I didn't read the sequels.)
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
Don't know anything about this one, either.
54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
Read this one after being married, and after having watched the BBC series. Really liked it. Good characters. Good villains. Happy endings for all.
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
Nope. Haven't hard about this one.
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
Hmmm. Another one I haven't heard of.
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
Dickens again. Everyone read this one in High School, didn't they? Actually, I've read this one three or four times over the course of Junior High and High School, during my 'Musketeer' phase (after watching "The Three Musketeers" movie with Richard Chamberlain, Racquel Welch, et al). Loved the beginning, loved the ending, and thoroughly enjoyed everything in between. Also read "The Scarlet Pimpernel" at this time. Anyone read that one?
58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
There was this weird 1970s-era TV movie of this one that I remember parts of - you can find it on YouTube now - that got me interested in the book. I had thought it was something related to race relations, but instead it turned out to be sci-fi instead. Bleak ending, though, if I recall. Kinda 1984-like.
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
Dum-de-dum. Never heard of this one, either.
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Oh, my. Marquez again. More of the dense writing, more of the bizarre plot, lots of dreary death stuff.
61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
High School again. Short book, as I recall. Only took an afternoon or so to read. Another bleak kind of ending, with the death of big, dumb Lennie. Depressing but inevitable.
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
Everyone says they read this one, but I wonder how many really have. It was one of those 'racy' books that all boys thought contained lurid details of what sex was all about, back when none of us knew what was going on. I started reading it but quickly lost interest. Now I can't keep straight what I read in the book, and what I read in a movie review. It probably doesn't matter.
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
Never heard of this one.
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
Heard of this one, as did everyone else who was paying attention. Thought about seeing the movie, thought about picking up the book for a long coast-to-coast flight. I generally like murder mysteries, even when they're done from this ghostly angle. But haven't done anything about it yet.
65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
Read it during the Musketeers phase. Then again when my son had to do a book report on it. Still didn't find it as compelling as The Three Musketeers.
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
Had to read this one because anyone who even ponders the idea of becoming a writer has to read this book. I wasn't impressed by it. Just not my style. But interesting.
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
Hardy, oh Hardy, how little we can put up with you. Started reading it, quickly lost interest. Just didn't have enough 'zing' to it. Or I was totally in the wrong mood.
68. Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
Absolutely could not read this one. Didn't hear about it til the movie came out, and by then my image of it was colored by movie reviews and trailers and impressions from other people. Didn't find the premise interesting at all. Not enough techno-babble.
69. Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
Figured this one was a religio-political bombast, so never bothered to read it. Read "The Satanic Verses" back when it came out, just to be controversial, but didn't really get into that one, either.
70a. Moby Dick - Herman Melville
70b. Billy Bud - Herman Melville
Melville. Everyone reads a lot into Melville. I read these, but the style just didn't work for me.
71a. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
71b. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
71c. The Pickwick Papers - Charles Dickens
Dickens, my favorite 'paid-by-the-word' 19th-century writer. Was forced to read his works in school, then picked up some on the side hoping that my impression of the author had been discolored by the fact that they were assignments. Other than "A Christmas Carol", though, the stories got to be tedious and a tad bit too neatly tied up at the end. I don't mind happy endings, but syrupy happy endings make me ill.
72a. Dracula - Bram Stoker
72b. Frankenstein - Mary Shelley
As a horror movie fan from WAY back (used to stay up and watch all the great horror movies that were on TV after midnight on Friday nights), these two classics were must-reads in Junior High. Both were quite different than the movie versions (which actually surprised me back then). Frankenstein was more memorable for some reason, perhaps because of the story-within-a-story that is told by The Creature. And the fact that one story dealt with the supernatural, and the other with the super-scientific.
73a. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
73b. The Little Princess - Frances Hodgson Burnett
Read "The Little Princess" back in either Elementary or Junior High days - thought one of my sisters had brought it home from the Library, but I could be mistaken. I remember adoring the book, especially the part where the Indian sets up the feast in the attic for the girls. The Secret Garden wasn't nearly as memorable to me, but still quite good.
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
I read "A Walk in the Woods" a few years back and really enjoyed it. I'll probably get this one, too, especially since it deals with England. Cheryl and I are definitely going back to see more of England.
75. Ulysses - James Joyce
This is one of those novels that takes the patience of Job to get through. I read it out of sheer stubbornness. Every writer apparently has to read this bizarre book, if only to understand what sheer torture is about. I read many reviews and articles about this book as well, and they all identified its major flaw: it's too much work to read. I don't read to work; that's what programming is for. I read to relax, to learn, to enjoy. If a book is going to make me work, I expect to get paid for it. In cash.
76. The Inferno - Dante
Read this one out of curiosity over one winter a few years back. Interesting. But, again, not memorable. Must be a brain defect on my part. Everyone else seems to think it's the best thing since sliced bread.
77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
Nope, never heard of it. Heard of Arthur Ransome, though. He was one of those English literary types who were fascinated by the early Russian Revolution. Thought it was the greatest thing since sliced bread.
78. Germinal - Emile Zola
Haven't ever read "Germinal", but knew that Emile Zola was a key figure in the (in)famous Dreyfus affair. He was the one who publically accused the French Army leaders of complicity in the wrongful conviction of Captain Alfred Dreyfus.
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
Never got around to "Vanity Fair", but read several of his articles, and breezed through "The Luck of Barry Lyndon" back in college. Or was it high school? Can't remember anymore. I think this was during my first Mark Twain period when I was reading a lot of satirical works.
80. Possession - A.S. Byatt
Never heard of this author, or the book.
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
The ultimate Dickens, the only story of his that I've read and watched numerous times and parodized almost as many, so much so that my wonderful wife got me a very nice collector version of the book for Christmas!
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
Never heard of this book, or Author.
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
Read this one back in Seattle while dating Cheryl. We'd seen the movie together - I think we saw it on video, not in an actual theater - and it piqued my interest enough to read the book. It was depressing.
84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
Saw the movie with Anthony Hopkins and Emma Thompson, so naturally had to read the book. It was incredibly sad, so many missed opportunities for happiness. But it also showed me that it was possible to live a happy life by being content with what you are given, and with the choices you have made, even if many of them were the wrong ones.
85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
Someone had told me in my youth that this was one of those 'banned' books that contained a lot of smutty filth, so naturally I had to get hold of it. It was not what I expected. It was another of those depressing, how-low-can-you-go kinds of books where human depravity results from people's lack of ability to be content with what they have chosen. In this case, a woman, lusting after luxury and susceptible to boredom, destroys her life and those of the people she is supposed to be loving.
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
Never heard of this one.
87a. Charlotte’s Web - E.B. White
87b. The Elements of Style - E.B. White
87c. Stuart Little - E.B. White
Anything by E.B. White is guaranteed not only to be well-written, but enjoyable. I didn't get into Charlotte's Web as much as my sisters, but I thoroughly enjoyed Stuart Little ... except the fact that he never finished it. It could use ten or twenty additional chapters, making it an epic of the "Wind in the Willows" variety.
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
Haven't gotten around to reading this particular book, but did read "Tuesdays with Morrie" when the TV movie came out. I'd read articles from Mitch in Parade and other magazines, and knew that he played with the "Rock Bottom Remainders" (Dave Barry, Stephen King, Amy Tan, Scott Turow, et al).
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Every boy is required to read the Sherlock Holmes stories. We had this Reader's Digest book when I was a kid, and it featured "The Adventure of the Speckled Band", which was my first experience with Mr. Holmes and Watson. I found a few anthologies in the elementary school library, but never finished the entire collection until much later. Got it for my own boys, too, but they didn't seem as impressed. Of course, they weren't enamored of Encyclopedia Brown, either.
90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
Read some of the "Secret Seven" series from Mrs. Blyton, but don't remember this particular set. Might have to look it up.
91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
I can't remember if I read this before or after seeing "Apocalypse Now", but they're now so wound up in my memory that it probably doesn't matter. The movie was a long and arduous trip through from sanity to deranged violence; the book was a long and tedious trip from one kind of darkness to another. It isn't a book I ever plan to re-read.
92. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery (in French)
I struggled through this book in the original French back when I was taking French class in High School. It wasn't an assignment; it was just something I decided to do in order to improve my understanding of the French language. I'm not sure if it worked or not. I also got the English translation and put them side-by-side. There were a lot of interesting differences.
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
I've read some articles by Iain Banks in the New Scientist, but haven't read any of his novels.
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams
Read this classic during my "Wind in the Willows" phase in Junior High or High School. Read "Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH" about the same time. Both were fascinating epics, but for some reason, I tired of the rabbits before the rats. Later, after reading some reviews of this book, I realized how much I'd missed of the theme and point of the novel, so re-read it -- but didn't enjoy it nearly as much the second time. Too many "messages" in this one. [Even later, reading interviews of Richard Adams, it was revealed that all those deep "meanings" were pure hogwash, written by self-promoting reviewers who didn't have the common sense to simply accept that it was a clever and well-written children's story which was written to amuse the author's children.]
95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
Heard about this book but can't remember where or when. It was published posthumously (the author committed suicide), and it's about New Orleans. That's all I remember.
96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shut
Heard about a movie of this book, before I knew it was a book. Saw some clips. It's about a woman who settles in Australia after World War 2, having undergone some hardships. Sounds interesting. Might read it.
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
Again, read this one during my swashbuckling days of youth. Fantastic novel. Tried reading the original French, like I did with The Little Prince, but it was difficult to find in the local library. I could probably find it now.
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare
Part of the Collected Works, right? Been there, done that. And seen at least five filmed or staged versions.
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
Read this one in Elementary school after seeing Willy Wonka on TV. The book was similar to the movie yet very different, chiefly in the bizarre characterization of Willy Wonka. Took quite a while to get the action going, and the bedridden grandparents was annoying. Also the bit where Charlie and his grandfather don't get the ticket, and then later Charlie gets it on his own. That was just a plain tease.
100a. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
100b. The Hunchback of Notre Dame - Victor Hugo
These novels are just so depressing. Les Miserables is long and complex; Hunchback feels shorter but the action isn't quite as intense (at least, the action I remember). I read Les Miserables after seeing the Broadway musical. I read Hunchback in Junior High or High School after seeing the original Lon Chaney version on a Saturday afternoon cinema thing on TV, and the Charles Laughton version on a Friday night horror show.
BONUS SECTION
101. The Mouse and His Child - Russell and Lillian Hoban
This is, for me, the ultimate novel. I read and re-read and re-re-read this book as a child, and again as an adult, and never tire of reading it. For some reason, it 'clicks' in my head. Still not sure why.
102. Presumed Innocent - Scott Turow
Again, one of those books I am compelled to re-read every now and then. The style, the characters, the mystery - I'm not sure what it is that draws me, but it does.
103. The Shining - Stephen King
Jan and her friends got me started on Stephen King, and the 70s and 80s were my Addicted to King years. Read and collected everything he wrote. Then got married, and started having kids, and had to get rid of them. The pernicious use of bad language throughout was not something I wanted to explain to my children, and it was having a negative influence on my own tongue. Also, the themes were getting really weird, and that was having a negative effect on my psyche. I believe a really good writer finds ways to tell a story without degrading the reader's spirit. My spirit said, "Nevermore".
104. Huckleberry Finn - Mark Twain
I find it difficult to accept this list as authoritative without even one book by Twain; by far, he is one of the best writers in history. This particular book I can re-read over and over again. In fact, Twain is among the few writers I can re-read any time, any where, any work. I admire his wit, his sarcasm, his way of turning a phrase. And he has a way of putting real characters into my head that seem very real.
In Summary
I 'scored' somewhere in the 70s out of about a hundred books. That's probably not too bad, considering I dropped out of the reading scene due to overwork a few years ago, and now there are far too many projects in the house to find adequate time to read the really long novels (and keep the plots in my head). Maybe one day I'll catch up again. But I'd rather be writing than reading.
Additional Suggested Reading
Treasure Island - Robert Louis Stevenson
The Foundation Trilogy - Isaac Asimov
I, Robot - Isaac Asimov
The Martian Chronicles - Ray Bradbury
Bridge Over the River Kwai - Pierre Boulle (also wrote Planet of the Apes
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Pre-Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving is still a day or so away. I'm trying to forget the fact that it is past midnight and thus Wednesday morning, because my brain still thinks it's Tuesday. I'm having difficulty figuring out a problem, and it's become more and more stressful over the past couple of weeks because the problem just won't go away, and it isn't one of those problems that can be dealt with by any direct action on my part, not really. I mean, there are things I can do to plan, to prepare to deal with it when it finally comes to a head - if it ever comes to a head - but even the best-laid plans of mice and men come to naught at day's end. Or something like that.
But I don't want to get into that right now. I'd rather talk about James's birthday.
Were you to ask James if he had a fun birthday, he might admit that there were some fun things that occurred. Certainly it was fun to make dinner for us all, which he did, and he did a fantastic job with the Chicken Bearnaise. I believe he had fun at Youth Group later in the evening, bringing along some delicious brownies to share with his friends. And he didn't seem overly depressed by the dearth of presents he received as we gathered around his birthday cake near the end of the day. (Teenaged boys can never really be satisfied with the presents they receive for their birthday, because no present in the world can measure up to the imagination and desire of a young boy on the cusp of adulthood.)
But there is a very deep significance in the fact that his birthday is so closely aligned with Thanksgiving. We are thankful that he survived his birth to live these many years with us, and to become such a blessing to us, because it was the very day of his birth which brought us closest to realizing how fragile life can be. His survival was not guaranteed by any means, and I still consider it a miracle that he lives and breathes and plays guitar and annoys his sister (he claims it's the other way around) and enjoys the company of many friends, because I saw his body when it was gray and seemingly lifeless, and stood beside the oxygen crib as they forced life back into it, and knew that it was possible that he might not make it.
Now fifteen years later, he smiles and looks out on the world and wonders what it has to offer him, and I think back to the days when I was just as young and just as eager to go out and see what was going on in the big, wide world, and envy him. And I try not to impose my point of view on him (too much) although all of you who are parents know exactly how hard it is not to want to scream out loud all the wisdom and knowledge and advice you think they need so they don't make the same mistakes you did, or miss out on the opportunities that you still kick yourself for missing out on.
And I think about how few are the years he will remain at our house, how soon he will be off on his own, and I wonder if he's been given enough examples to know how to live, if the lessons we've tried to bring to him have made it through to his heart, if he has any clue to the depth of the love we have for him ... and then I am reminded of my own father, and how utterly mysterious the man was to me for most of my teen years, how close we could be one moment, and utterly distant the other; and how incredibly shocking it was to be hugged by him on the day I left for college. And how I promised myself that I would never become so distant from my children that a simple hug could feel so odd and foreign, even in a family that never hugged.
But the reality is that at some point we stop forcing displays of affection on our children because we can sense their discomfort; we suddenly realize that they have become aware of their own personal space, and the boundary excludes even those who would give their very lives for them; it's just a thing that teenagers must navigate through until they decide what they will deem appropriate. And the best you can hope for is to someday be invited once again into the warm embrace of your cherished offspring, after they have finally figured out that you are just another traveller on the road to Heaven, charged by God with giving them the best years of your life so that they can repeat the whole process on another generation.
But I don't want to get into that right now. I'd rather talk about James's birthday.
Were you to ask James if he had a fun birthday, he might admit that there were some fun things that occurred. Certainly it was fun to make dinner for us all, which he did, and he did a fantastic job with the Chicken Bearnaise. I believe he had fun at Youth Group later in the evening, bringing along some delicious brownies to share with his friends. And he didn't seem overly depressed by the dearth of presents he received as we gathered around his birthday cake near the end of the day. (Teenaged boys can never really be satisfied with the presents they receive for their birthday, because no present in the world can measure up to the imagination and desire of a young boy on the cusp of adulthood.)
But there is a very deep significance in the fact that his birthday is so closely aligned with Thanksgiving. We are thankful that he survived his birth to live these many years with us, and to become such a blessing to us, because it was the very day of his birth which brought us closest to realizing how fragile life can be. His survival was not guaranteed by any means, and I still consider it a miracle that he lives and breathes and plays guitar and annoys his sister (he claims it's the other way around) and enjoys the company of many friends, because I saw his body when it was gray and seemingly lifeless, and stood beside the oxygen crib as they forced life back into it, and knew that it was possible that he might not make it.
Now fifteen years later, he smiles and looks out on the world and wonders what it has to offer him, and I think back to the days when I was just as young and just as eager to go out and see what was going on in the big, wide world, and envy him. And I try not to impose my point of view on him (too much) although all of you who are parents know exactly how hard it is not to want to scream out loud all the wisdom and knowledge and advice you think they need so they don't make the same mistakes you did, or miss out on the opportunities that you still kick yourself for missing out on.
And I think about how few are the years he will remain at our house, how soon he will be off on his own, and I wonder if he's been given enough examples to know how to live, if the lessons we've tried to bring to him have made it through to his heart, if he has any clue to the depth of the love we have for him ... and then I am reminded of my own father, and how utterly mysterious the man was to me for most of my teen years, how close we could be one moment, and utterly distant the other; and how incredibly shocking it was to be hugged by him on the day I left for college. And how I promised myself that I would never become so distant from my children that a simple hug could feel so odd and foreign, even in a family that never hugged.
But the reality is that at some point we stop forcing displays of affection on our children because we can sense their discomfort; we suddenly realize that they have become aware of their own personal space, and the boundary excludes even those who would give their very lives for them; it's just a thing that teenagers must navigate through until they decide what they will deem appropriate. And the best you can hope for is to someday be invited once again into the warm embrace of your cherished offspring, after they have finally figured out that you are just another traveller on the road to Heaven, charged by God with giving them the best years of your life so that they can repeat the whole process on another generation.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Questionnaire
Please answer the following questions, then make carbon copies. Send the yellow to Accounting, the pink to Human Resources, and the teal to your permanent folder.
And remember, this is for posterity. So, be honest. How do you feel?
1. Were you named after anyone?
It is my believe that I am named after my uncle, but it wasn't something that we talked a lot about as I was growing up. It just seemed to be an odd coincidence that my name was Robbie and my uncle's name was (and still is) Bob. Both names contain the "ob" letter sequence in the 2nd and 3rd letter positions, and the probability of that particular combination occurring in a randomly selected sample is statistically negligible, which infers some positive correlation coefficient. The odds are that my name was selected due a personal affinity between my father and his elder brother. Perhaps.
2. When was the last time you cried?
I cry every time the pollen concentration rises above a predetermined level, but that is completely an unconscious reaction and unconnected with any emotional experience through which I am undergoing. Certain passages in books or movies have been known to bring me to the point of 'choking up', but it cannot be said that true tears have escaped from my ducts in those intervals, mainly due to the fact that I'm a guy, and guys don't cry. Ever.
3. Do you like your handwriting?
I don't have handwriting anymore. I gave up handwriting after achieving proficiency in typing, and after converting the entire world to electronic communication single-handedly. My hand cramps up if I even think of writing anything by hand. I hire a professional calligrapher when it is necessary to send congratulatory cards.
4. What is your favorite lunch meat?
Those are two diametrically opposed concepts: "favorite" and "lunch meat". The first implies a pre-existing condition of sated desire; the second describes a food product which meets the definition of "food" by only the most generous of critical evaluations. It is illogical to desire an item which is not real food, therefore one cannot be said to favor it over other equally non-food items.
Besides, I always have leftovers for lunch.
5. Do you have kids.
Yes. Four. Why? Do you need one?
6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
Or, to put it another way: If you were not another person, would you be your own worst enemy?
7. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Of course not. Don't you?
8. Do you still have your tonsils?
Is that really relevant? Yes, but my wife doesn't let me put the jar up on the mantel anymore. She says it scares the guests.
9. Would you bungee jump?
Given sufficient monetary inducement, and with the help of powerful narcotics, it could happen. Maybe.
10. What is your favorite cereal?
Owing to the fact that I must take analgesics along with my antihistamines first thing in the morning, cereal is not among my breakfast choices, as generally it is mixed with an amount of milk, and the aforementioned milk would seriously devaluate the impact of the analgesics on my system (due to the coating effect it has on the stomach lining). Therefore, this question is irrelevant.
11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
If they can be removed without untying, it is generally my habit to do so; but it is equally important that they also may be placed on my feet afterward without requiring additional untying and then re-tying. For that reason, I maintain a pair of Dockers ("boat shoes") which may be slipped on and off without tying; a pair of athletic shoes which generally require tying; and a pair of black dress shoes ("wing-tips") which must always be tied. I minimize the number of times in which the black shoes are worn, and rely mostly on the Dockers due to their relative ease-of-use.
12. Do you think you are strong?
It is an ambiguous question. Does it refer to physical, spiritual, moral, ethical, or emotional aspects of my character? As regards physical, I am average for my size; my spiritual strength is difficult to measure with any scaled precision; morally, I can only say that I sleep well at night; ethically, there can be found no evidence to convict me in a court of law; and emotionally, I'm a middle-aged man with a lovely wife, four children on the brink of adulthood and two psychotic cats -- it's a miracle I'm able to get through the day without undergoing a complete nervous breakdown.
13. What is your favorite ice cream?
Do you mean to imply that there is a flavor other than vanilla? In point of fact, there is not. There is vanilla, and then there are all those additives that are used to (supposedly) enhance its flavor. As if one could possibly improve vanilla.
14. What is the first thing you notice about people?
It is my observation that most people are far too obsessed with their own point of view, and do not spend nearly enough time attempting to understand how they are viewed by others. Because of this, most people dress far too casually.
15. Red or pink?
Again, an ambiguous question. This could be interpreted in so many different ways, from simple color preference to appropriate beverage choice based on meal composition. It could also refer to the dichotomy between damaged tissue (blood red) and healthy (pink flesh). Given that I'm rather squeamish with regard to issues of blood, I'll have to go with pink.
16. What is the weather like outside?
Given that the question relates to a momentary atmospheric phenomenon with little relevance to the general non-linear data heretofore collected, this question has no merit and can therefore be safely ignored.
17. Who do you miss the most?
This question lacks a critical description of both context and circumstance. By its phrasing, it implies a singular choice among a set of emotional bonds, once strong but now weakened by physical, mental or emotional separation. Failure to identify the bounding constraints which would minimize the set, results in a broad-based interpretation, which can result in no other appropriate response than, "My sanity."
18. Do you want everyone to send this back to you?
Were "everyone", as an unbounded and ambiguous numerative description of the responding user set, to send a reply to the server, the collective flood of packets would result in destabilization of the network interface, including loss of process control, possibly resulting in collapse of the server itself. The answer, therefore, can only be "No."
19. What color of shoes are you wearing?
Again, a question with little overall relevance, other than to point out a single sample of my personal footwear choice corresponding to those instances where my main activity is centered on computer-related tasks. As it happens, my general habit is to wear simple cotton socks on my feet when working at home on the computer, with no shoes.
20. What was the last thing you ate?
I can only imagine that this question is somehow targeted towards determining my general dietary habits, hoping to occur upon a statistically significant moment when that diet has been uninterrupted by any special occasions which might merit a departure from consistent behavior. Unfortunately, at the time this question was reached, a birthday celebration had just been completed, and my portion consisted of a single slice of chocolate cake accompanied by two scoops of vanilla ice cream.
21. What are you listening to right now?
A little inner voice which is telling me that I should spend less time on Facebook questionnaires, and more time with my wife and children.
22. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Self-anthromorphization of my person into an inanimate object for the purpose of ascertaining individual color preference seems a bit extreme, if you ask me. Why not just ask me my favorite color? Besides which, I can never remember, nor would I ever care to remember, the bizarre and sometimes questionable couplings of adjectives used to describe the shades of color used in modern crayons. I hark back to my youth when the choices were simple and few: red, yellow, black, green, blue, purple, etc. My choice has been and will always remain "blue". Like the ocean.
23. Favorite smells.
Is that a question, or a statement? That particular noun-verb combination could be construed as a simple statement, were it not for the fact that it implies a connective thought between an ambiguous verb, "Favorite", and an action verb, "smells". It could also be interpreted as a grammatically incorrect question, the object of which is to reveal preferential olfactory experiences. As there is no unambiguous interpretation of the term "Favorite", it is probable that the second meaning is the intended one.
Therefore, the correct answer is, the scent of the evergreen trees in the forests of the Yosemite Valley. Or the hair of an infant. Or the smell of carrying an infant through the evergreen forests of the Yosemite Valley.
24. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Owing to the dearth of telephone conversations in this house which require my input - it is not my first choice for communication, nor, having conversed with me over the telephone, would it be your choice for obtaining any significant information from me - there is little to be gained from inquiring into this particular aspect of my immediate history. However, just to keep things going, I will tell you that I had a great time chatting with the guy from the car repair place. It turns out that he is quite knowledgeable in areas unrelated to transportation, and has several interesting viewpoints on the current political situation. Plus he knows a lot of very colorful words which I could not find in the dictionary.
25. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
I'm married to the person who sent this to me. Draw your own conclusions.
26. Favorite sports to watch.
Again with the noun-verb phrases of indeterminate grammar. I'll assume that it is a question relating to a preference for observing contests involving a particular organized athletic club. Seriously? As if I have time to sit around watching other people, with whom I am not acquainted, playing games? And placing value on the outcome of those events as though I had a personal stake in the matter? The concept is bizarre in the extreme. It is not logical. But it is sometimes fun to see how goofy the people up in viewing stands can be, painting themselves with the team colors. Still reminds me of Roman "bread and circuses", however. Mollifying the masses with meaningless entertainment drivel while the borders are being assailed by barbarians.
27. Hair color?
Hmmm. Two nouns placed side-by-side in close proximity to a question mark. Fascinating, if still irregular. Assuming the intent is to determine the pigmentation of my hair follicles, the answer is - or was - simple. My hair has always been brown. Over the last five or six years, depletion of the melanin-producing melanocytes in many of the follicles has resulted in the generation of numerous gray ones; typically this is referred to as "salt and pepper" coloring. I attribute this phenomenon mostly to the stress and anxiety inherent in the raising of children, especially teenagers.
28. Eye color?
Intuitively leaping to the obvious conclusion, my eyes are described as "hazel", which is characterized by a preponderance of green coupled with a less proportionate amount of brown hue. Whereas the proportion of brown varies from day to day, sometimes my eyes appear green, and other days, greenish-brown.
29. Do you wear contacts?
Owing to a spate of eye infections related to the use of contacts during the early years of my optical enhancement, and on the advice of my physiciain, their use has been permanently discontinued.
30. Favorite food?
(Sigh. Grammar.) Until the advent of my beef-related digestive anomaly, lasagna was my primary choice. At this point in my life, I'll eat anything put in front of me. However, I have noticed cravings for mashed potatoes during certain times of the year...
31. Scary movies or happy endings?
Why not scary movies with happy endings? I suppose it depends on your point of view. If you are rooting for the scary monsters, an ending where all the monsters triumph is still a happy ending.
32. Last movie you watched?
"Hamlet", with David Tennant (Dr. Who) and Patrick Stewart (Captain Picard). Or was it "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead" with Tim Roth, Richard Dreyfuss and Gary Oldman? They were watched in such close temporal proximity that I can't recall exactly. But who can forget that classic line: "Get thee to a nunnery!"
33. What color shirt are you wearing?
Of what particular significance is my choice of clothing at this moment in time? Perhaps this query would be better served as, "What preponderance of apparel choice is evident by a cursory examination of your closet?"
In point of fact, I generally wear black, gray, or blue. With occasional flashes of green. Whatever goes with my jeans.
34. Summer or winter?
Or, to put it another way: "Would you wish to be physically discomfited by seasonal rhinitis, or would you prefer a jolly round of influenza?" Either way, the requisite medications render me mentally unfit for cogitation, with the result that I am effectively removed from the list of contributing members of society during most of the year. I prefer a climate-controlled environmental chamber. With a Coke machine.
35. Hugs or kisses?
Kisses from my wife. Hugs from friends and family. Handshakes from acquaintances. Polite nods from strangers. Complete avoidance from the rest of society in general.
36. Car or truck?
Van. Chevy. Customized. Pre-1980.
37. Most likely to respond?
As I'm not intending to pass this along to anyone, there is no one who is likely to respond.
38. Least likely to respond.
President Obama. Or perhaps Osama. Either way, I'm counting on being ignored.
39. What book are you reading now?
If I were reading a book, I wouldn't be typing on the computer. I do not multi-task. Ask me again later, when I'm actually reading. I'll ignore you ... because I do not multi-task.
40. What is on your mouse pad.
It is presumptuous of you to assume I use a mouse pad at all. Have you never heard of touchpads or trackballs? The world doesn't follow a single path to Nirvana, you know. Expand your horizons.
41. What did you watch on TV last night?
Again with the presumption! It may interest you to know that I don't watch television. There is nothing on the broadcast channels worth watching. Nor do I have sufficient time in my life to waste any of it glued to the television screen. I'm too busy with my eyes glued to the laptop screen, writing answers to questionnaires on the Internet...
42. Favorite sound?
My favorite sound is the pop-and-fizz resulting from successful opening of my morning Coke. Caffeine, here we come!
43. Rolling Stones or Beatles?
The Beatles have a vastly more complex repertoire compressed into an unbelievably short career stretch. The Rolling Stones play the same basic type of material over and over again, but they have managed to survive for over forty years. My respect for both bands is immeasurable, but when given the choice, I always prefer the Beatles due to their superior craftsmanship.
44. Where do you want to go next?
Given the choice, I would prefer to go back to bed, but knowing that this would result in a serious depletion in both the quantity and stability of my income, I will forego that selection. Were income not involved, I would immediately relocate to the Yosemite Valley.
45. Do you have a special talent?
I have many special talents, among which are: putting my foot in my mouth, talking too much, forgetting people's names (including my own children), building prototypes which don't work, driving badly, and getting wounded every time I use a tool. Any tool. Would you like to see pictures?
46. Where were you born?
To paraphrase the Bunny (Bugs), I don't remember, I was awfully young then.
[NOTE: It probably isn't a good idea to reveal your name and age and place of birth on the Internet. Just sayin.]
47. Whose answer are you looking forward to getting back?
As I'm not planning on sending this out, the question is irrelevant.
==
BONUS QUESTIONS
==
48. If God were watching over your shoulder, what advice would he give you?
Get off the computer and get to work.
49. If you could go back in time and make one thing right, what would it be?
Adam and Eve. "Hey, kids, just because the snake is talking doesn't mean you should listen to him! He's a snake, for crying out loud!"
50. How many minutes did it take you to finish this questionnaire?
Too many.
And remember, this is for posterity. So, be honest. How do you feel?
1. Were you named after anyone?
It is my believe that I am named after my uncle, but it wasn't something that we talked a lot about as I was growing up. It just seemed to be an odd coincidence that my name was Robbie and my uncle's name was (and still is) Bob. Both names contain the "ob" letter sequence in the 2nd and 3rd letter positions, and the probability of that particular combination occurring in a randomly selected sample is statistically negligible, which infers some positive correlation coefficient. The odds are that my name was selected due a personal affinity between my father and his elder brother. Perhaps.
2. When was the last time you cried?
I cry every time the pollen concentration rises above a predetermined level, but that is completely an unconscious reaction and unconnected with any emotional experience through which I am undergoing. Certain passages in books or movies have been known to bring me to the point of 'choking up', but it cannot be said that true tears have escaped from my ducts in those intervals, mainly due to the fact that I'm a guy, and guys don't cry. Ever.
3. Do you like your handwriting?
I don't have handwriting anymore. I gave up handwriting after achieving proficiency in typing, and after converting the entire world to electronic communication single-handedly. My hand cramps up if I even think of writing anything by hand. I hire a professional calligrapher when it is necessary to send congratulatory cards.
4. What is your favorite lunch meat?
Those are two diametrically opposed concepts: "favorite" and "lunch meat". The first implies a pre-existing condition of sated desire; the second describes a food product which meets the definition of "food" by only the most generous of critical evaluations. It is illogical to desire an item which is not real food, therefore one cannot be said to favor it over other equally non-food items.
Besides, I always have leftovers for lunch.
5. Do you have kids.
Yes. Four. Why? Do you need one?
6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
Or, to put it another way: If you were not another person, would you be your own worst enemy?
7. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Of course not. Don't you?
8. Do you still have your tonsils?
9. Would you bungee jump?
Given sufficient monetary inducement, and with the help of powerful narcotics, it could happen. Maybe.
10. What is your favorite cereal?
Owing to the fact that I must take analgesics along with my antihistamines first thing in the morning, cereal is not among my breakfast choices, as generally it is mixed with an amount of milk, and the aforementioned milk would seriously devaluate the impact of the analgesics on my system (due to the coating effect it has on the stomach lining). Therefore, this question is irrelevant.
11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
If they can be removed without untying, it is generally my habit to do so; but it is equally important that they also may be placed on my feet afterward without requiring additional untying and then re-tying. For that reason, I maintain a pair of Dockers ("boat shoes") which may be slipped on and off without tying; a pair of athletic shoes which generally require tying; and a pair of black dress shoes ("wing-tips") which must always be tied. I minimize the number of times in which the black shoes are worn, and rely mostly on the Dockers due to their relative ease-of-use.
12. Do you think you are strong?
It is an ambiguous question. Does it refer to physical, spiritual, moral, ethical, or emotional aspects of my character? As regards physical, I am average for my size; my spiritual strength is difficult to measure with any scaled precision; morally, I can only say that I sleep well at night; ethically, there can be found no evidence to convict me in a court of law; and emotionally, I'm a middle-aged man with a lovely wife, four children on the brink of adulthood and two psychotic cats -- it's a miracle I'm able to get through the day without undergoing a complete nervous breakdown.
13. What is your favorite ice cream?
Do you mean to imply that there is a flavor other than vanilla? In point of fact, there is not. There is vanilla, and then there are all those additives that are used to (supposedly) enhance its flavor. As if one could possibly improve vanilla.
14. What is the first thing you notice about people?
It is my observation that most people are far too obsessed with their own point of view, and do not spend nearly enough time attempting to understand how they are viewed by others. Because of this, most people dress far too casually.
15. Red or pink?
Again, an ambiguous question. This could be interpreted in so many different ways, from simple color preference to appropriate beverage choice based on meal composition. It could also refer to the dichotomy between damaged tissue (blood red) and healthy (pink flesh). Given that I'm rather squeamish with regard to issues of blood, I'll have to go with pink.
16. What is the weather like outside?
Given that the question relates to a momentary atmospheric phenomenon with little relevance to the general non-linear data heretofore collected, this question has no merit and can therefore be safely ignored.
17. Who do you miss the most?
This question lacks a critical description of both context and circumstance. By its phrasing, it implies a singular choice among a set of emotional bonds, once strong but now weakened by physical, mental or emotional separation. Failure to identify the bounding constraints which would minimize the set, results in a broad-based interpretation, which can result in no other appropriate response than, "My sanity."
18. Do you want everyone to send this back to you?
Were "everyone", as an unbounded and ambiguous numerative description of the responding user set, to send a reply to the server, the collective flood of packets would result in destabilization of the network interface, including loss of process control, possibly resulting in collapse of the server itself. The answer, therefore, can only be "No."
19. What color of shoes are you wearing?
Again, a question with little overall relevance, other than to point out a single sample of my personal footwear choice corresponding to those instances where my main activity is centered on computer-related tasks. As it happens, my general habit is to wear simple cotton socks on my feet when working at home on the computer, with no shoes.
20. What was the last thing you ate?
I can only imagine that this question is somehow targeted towards determining my general dietary habits, hoping to occur upon a statistically significant moment when that diet has been uninterrupted by any special occasions which might merit a departure from consistent behavior. Unfortunately, at the time this question was reached, a birthday celebration had just been completed, and my portion consisted of a single slice of chocolate cake accompanied by two scoops of vanilla ice cream.
21. What are you listening to right now?
A little inner voice which is telling me that I should spend less time on Facebook questionnaires, and more time with my wife and children.
22. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Self-anthromorphization of my person into an inanimate object for the purpose of ascertaining individual color preference seems a bit extreme, if you ask me. Why not just ask me my favorite color? Besides which, I can never remember, nor would I ever care to remember, the bizarre and sometimes questionable couplings of adjectives used to describe the shades of color used in modern crayons. I hark back to my youth when the choices were simple and few: red, yellow, black, green, blue, purple, etc. My choice has been and will always remain "blue". Like the ocean.
23. Favorite smells.
Is that a question, or a statement? That particular noun-verb combination could be construed as a simple statement, were it not for the fact that it implies a connective thought between an ambiguous verb, "Favorite", and an action verb, "smells". It could also be interpreted as a grammatically incorrect question, the object of which is to reveal preferential olfactory experiences. As there is no unambiguous interpretation of the term "Favorite", it is probable that the second meaning is the intended one.
Therefore, the correct answer is, the scent of the evergreen trees in the forests of the Yosemite Valley. Or the hair of an infant. Or the smell of carrying an infant through the evergreen forests of the Yosemite Valley.
24. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Owing to the dearth of telephone conversations in this house which require my input - it is not my first choice for communication, nor, having conversed with me over the telephone, would it be your choice for obtaining any significant information from me - there is little to be gained from inquiring into this particular aspect of my immediate history. However, just to keep things going, I will tell you that I had a great time chatting with the guy from the car repair place. It turns out that he is quite knowledgeable in areas unrelated to transportation, and has several interesting viewpoints on the current political situation. Plus he knows a lot of very colorful words which I could not find in the dictionary.
25. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
I'm married to the person who sent this to me. Draw your own conclusions.
26. Favorite sports to watch.
Again with the noun-verb phrases of indeterminate grammar. I'll assume that it is a question relating to a preference for observing contests involving a particular organized athletic club. Seriously? As if I have time to sit around watching other people, with whom I am not acquainted, playing games? And placing value on the outcome of those events as though I had a personal stake in the matter? The concept is bizarre in the extreme. It is not logical. But it is sometimes fun to see how goofy the people up in viewing stands can be, painting themselves with the team colors. Still reminds me of Roman "bread and circuses", however. Mollifying the masses with meaningless entertainment drivel while the borders are being assailed by barbarians.
27. Hair color?
Hmmm. Two nouns placed side-by-side in close proximity to a question mark. Fascinating, if still irregular. Assuming the intent is to determine the pigmentation of my hair follicles, the answer is - or was - simple. My hair has always been brown. Over the last five or six years, depletion of the melanin-producing melanocytes in many of the follicles has resulted in the generation of numerous gray ones; typically this is referred to as "salt and pepper" coloring. I attribute this phenomenon mostly to the stress and anxiety inherent in the raising of children, especially teenagers.
28. Eye color?
Intuitively leaping to the obvious conclusion, my eyes are described as "hazel", which is characterized by a preponderance of green coupled with a less proportionate amount of brown hue. Whereas the proportion of brown varies from day to day, sometimes my eyes appear green, and other days, greenish-brown.
29. Do you wear contacts?
Owing to a spate of eye infections related to the use of contacts during the early years of my optical enhancement, and on the advice of my physiciain, their use has been permanently discontinued.
30. Favorite food?
(Sigh. Grammar.) Until the advent of my beef-related digestive anomaly, lasagna was my primary choice. At this point in my life, I'll eat anything put in front of me. However, I have noticed cravings for mashed potatoes during certain times of the year...
31. Scary movies or happy endings?
Why not scary movies with happy endings? I suppose it depends on your point of view. If you are rooting for the scary monsters, an ending where all the monsters triumph is still a happy ending.
32. Last movie you watched?
"Hamlet", with David Tennant (Dr. Who) and Patrick Stewart (Captain Picard). Or was it "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead" with Tim Roth, Richard Dreyfuss and Gary Oldman? They were watched in such close temporal proximity that I can't recall exactly. But who can forget that classic line: "Get thee to a nunnery!"
33. What color shirt are you wearing?
Of what particular significance is my choice of clothing at this moment in time? Perhaps this query would be better served as, "What preponderance of apparel choice is evident by a cursory examination of your closet?"
In point of fact, I generally wear black, gray, or blue. With occasional flashes of green. Whatever goes with my jeans.
34. Summer or winter?
Or, to put it another way: "Would you wish to be physically discomfited by seasonal rhinitis, or would you prefer a jolly round of influenza?" Either way, the requisite medications render me mentally unfit for cogitation, with the result that I am effectively removed from the list of contributing members of society during most of the year. I prefer a climate-controlled environmental chamber. With a Coke machine.
35. Hugs or kisses?
Kisses from my wife. Hugs from friends and family. Handshakes from acquaintances. Polite nods from strangers. Complete avoidance from the rest of society in general.
36. Car or truck?
Van. Chevy. Customized. Pre-1980.
37. Most likely to respond?
As I'm not intending to pass this along to anyone, there is no one who is likely to respond.
38. Least likely to respond.
President Obama. Or perhaps Osama. Either way, I'm counting on being ignored.
39. What book are you reading now?
If I were reading a book, I wouldn't be typing on the computer. I do not multi-task. Ask me again later, when I'm actually reading. I'll ignore you ... because I do not multi-task.
40. What is on your mouse pad.
It is presumptuous of you to assume I use a mouse pad at all. Have you never heard of touchpads or trackballs? The world doesn't follow a single path to Nirvana, you know. Expand your horizons.
41. What did you watch on TV last night?
Again with the presumption! It may interest you to know that I don't watch television. There is nothing on the broadcast channels worth watching. Nor do I have sufficient time in my life to waste any of it glued to the television screen. I'm too busy with my eyes glued to the laptop screen, writing answers to questionnaires on the Internet...
42. Favorite sound?
My favorite sound is the pop-and-fizz resulting from successful opening of my morning Coke. Caffeine, here we come!
43. Rolling Stones or Beatles?
The Beatles have a vastly more complex repertoire compressed into an unbelievably short career stretch. The Rolling Stones play the same basic type of material over and over again, but they have managed to survive for over forty years. My respect for both bands is immeasurable, but when given the choice, I always prefer the Beatles due to their superior craftsmanship.
44. Where do you want to go next?
Given the choice, I would prefer to go back to bed, but knowing that this would result in a serious depletion in both the quantity and stability of my income, I will forego that selection. Were income not involved, I would immediately relocate to the Yosemite Valley.
45. Do you have a special talent?
I have many special talents, among which are: putting my foot in my mouth, talking too much, forgetting people's names (including my own children), building prototypes which don't work, driving badly, and getting wounded every time I use a tool. Any tool. Would you like to see pictures?
46. Where were you born?
To paraphrase the Bunny (Bugs), I don't remember, I was awfully young then.
[NOTE: It probably isn't a good idea to reveal your name and age and place of birth on the Internet. Just sayin.]
47. Whose answer are you looking forward to getting back?
As I'm not planning on sending this out, the question is irrelevant.
==
BONUS QUESTIONS
==
48. If God were watching over your shoulder, what advice would he give you?
Get off the computer and get to work.
49. If you could go back in time and make one thing right, what would it be?
Adam and Eve. "Hey, kids, just because the snake is talking doesn't mean you should listen to him! He's a snake, for crying out loud!"
50. How many minutes did it take you to finish this questionnaire?
Too many.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Brother Kel
Having brothers was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Not to say that sisters are a bad thing - like everything else, they have their good side and their bad side - but there is nothing in the world like having a brother to play with, pick fights with, get rough-and-tumble with, avoid embarrassing hugs with.
Brother Craig was a bit of a surprise, coming along after fifteen years of being the only boy in a house full of girls. But we adjusted. Indeed, we found ourselves having quite a bit of fun with a new baby in the house. But we all knew that it would be cruel and inhumane to subject this 'miracle' child to a life of loneliness, so we petitioned our parents to have at least one more to provide him with company. In a spirit of true love and compassion, they acquiesced, and thus our brother, Kel, was brought into the world.
The first thing that struck us, after sufficient time had elapsed, was that the two brothers were remarkably different. Nature or nurture, we're not sure which had the most influence, but their dispositions and physical characteristics were sufficiently opposed that we would never have difficulty telling them apart. One was slight of frame, agile like a monkey and sly of mind, always looking for ways to get around the rules, extend the boundaries, probe the deep and dark mysteries of the universe (mostly up in trees); the other was built strong like a farmboy, with the kind of happy-go-lucky, salt-of-the-earth attitude that housed a deep well of generosity and a bottomless pit of patience (and he would need every bit of it!). They made a great team. Although they had their moments of tension, anger and boiling-over insanity, they always knew they had each other, and they took care of each other. Mostly.
Like any older brother, Craig occasionally took advantage of his position to try to enforce his will upon his younger sibling. We told him this could backfire; by all the evidence, it appeared that the future held great things in store for Kel, including stature. We warned Craig to be nice to his little brother, because one day, his little brother would be his Big Brother (and if it happened before frontal lobe development caught up with the rest of him, someone might get flattened!). Although I'm not sure if that warning really got through, it is evident that they both survived adolescence, so something must've gone right.
I had grown up and moved on before they were very old, and one of my biggest regrets is not spending more time with them when they were little. I had always imagined that they would remain my little brothers, both in size and age, but they didn't. They grew up, enduring some pretty rough life lessons; and then we were separated for so long by distance and circumstance that, when we did get together, it was like meeting them for the first time all over again.
Especially Kel. There's something about the physical changes in a person that cause some kind of reset in my brain regarding that relationship. I remember Kel's early days like they were yesterday, when he was half as tall and not nearly as sure of himself as he is now. Now he is a good-sized young man with a deep voice, a fuzzy face, many more skills and experiences under his belt; and every time we meet, I'm amazed that he is my brother, with the kind of amazement that comes from looking at someone I thought I knew, but then realizing that everything I know is obsolete, ancient, out-of-date; he has grown up into someone far more interesting and mysterious than the little boy I once knew, and I want to know even more, to sit at his feet and hear the stories of the things he has seen and done, to try and understand what has made him the man he is today.
Maybe one day, he'll write a book, or compose an album of songs, or make a movie that will help me to know the man behind all those memories. I'm hoping that he will find his muse, his passion, his True Voice, and we'll all be able to enjoy his Story. And that God will bless him with a truly marvelous Rest-of-the-Story for the coming years.
Happy Birthday, Brother Kel!
Brother Craig was a bit of a surprise, coming along after fifteen years of being the only boy in a house full of girls. But we adjusted. Indeed, we found ourselves having quite a bit of fun with a new baby in the house. But we all knew that it would be cruel and inhumane to subject this 'miracle' child to a life of loneliness, so we petitioned our parents to have at least one more to provide him with company. In a spirit of true love and compassion, they acquiesced, and thus our brother, Kel, was brought into the world.
The first thing that struck us, after sufficient time had elapsed, was that the two brothers were remarkably different. Nature or nurture, we're not sure which had the most influence, but their dispositions and physical characteristics were sufficiently opposed that we would never have difficulty telling them apart. One was slight of frame, agile like a monkey and sly of mind, always looking for ways to get around the rules, extend the boundaries, probe the deep and dark mysteries of the universe (mostly up in trees); the other was built strong like a farmboy, with the kind of happy-go-lucky, salt-of-the-earth attitude that housed a deep well of generosity and a bottomless pit of patience (and he would need every bit of it!). They made a great team. Although they had their moments of tension, anger and boiling-over insanity, they always knew they had each other, and they took care of each other. Mostly.
Like any older brother, Craig occasionally took advantage of his position to try to enforce his will upon his younger sibling. We told him this could backfire; by all the evidence, it appeared that the future held great things in store for Kel, including stature. We warned Craig to be nice to his little brother, because one day, his little brother would be his Big Brother (and if it happened before frontal lobe development caught up with the rest of him, someone might get flattened!). Although I'm not sure if that warning really got through, it is evident that they both survived adolescence, so something must've gone right.
I had grown up and moved on before they were very old, and one of my biggest regrets is not spending more time with them when they were little. I had always imagined that they would remain my little brothers, both in size and age, but they didn't. They grew up, enduring some pretty rough life lessons; and then we were separated for so long by distance and circumstance that, when we did get together, it was like meeting them for the first time all over again.
Especially Kel. There's something about the physical changes in a person that cause some kind of reset in my brain regarding that relationship. I remember Kel's early days like they were yesterday, when he was half as tall and not nearly as sure of himself as he is now. Now he is a good-sized young man with a deep voice, a fuzzy face, many more skills and experiences under his belt; and every time we meet, I'm amazed that he is my brother, with the kind of amazement that comes from looking at someone I thought I knew, but then realizing that everything I know is obsolete, ancient, out-of-date; he has grown up into someone far more interesting and mysterious than the little boy I once knew, and I want to know even more, to sit at his feet and hear the stories of the things he has seen and done, to try and understand what has made him the man he is today.
Maybe one day, he'll write a book, or compose an album of songs, or make a movie that will help me to know the man behind all those memories. I'm hoping that he will find his muse, his passion, his True Voice, and we'll all be able to enjoy his Story. And that God will bless him with a truly marvelous Rest-of-the-Story for the coming years.
Happy Birthday, Brother Kel!
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Santa Claus Has Arrived!
It's a little ridiculous, considering we're still two weeks out til Thanksgiving, but Santa Claus has arrived in Grand Rapids.How do I know? Because my son, James, and his pals in the Jazz Band played a bunch of jazzy Christmas songs at the Mall when he came cruising in. (I wasn't aware that Santa had a red Lexus convertible, but he does!)
For all the time we've been in this city, we've never bothered to go down to the Mall to see Santa come in to begin his stint in the "Sit On Santa's Lap" exhibit. Our kids were never taught that there was a magical Santa Claus who brought toys at Christmastime -- there were too many logical inconsistencies with that story, regardless of what the Christmas specials say -- so there was really no point, other than to walk past and marvel at the patience required to put up with all those little kids and their innocently selfish desires.
Actually, over the past few years, we haven't bothered to go to the Mall much at all. We're not into crowds. We don't like cruising through parking lots looking for open slots. And there are other stores nearer to the house which offer better deals on the merchandise.
But, for the sake of our son and his Jazz Band, we'll go see Santa. We'll even walk through the Mall as the band marches and plays their escorting tunes for dear Kris Kringle. And we might even stop by the jewelry store to have Cheryl's rings cleaned.
But as soon as possible, we're out of there and heading home.
What Is It?
I've started yet another crazy wood project. It's a bit bigger than the other one, in the vertical sense, so that might make it's purpose more evident.What do you think it is?
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
Fall Concert
Last night was the Fall Concert for the Jazz Ensembles (1 & 2), Orchestras (ABC, Concert, Symphony), and Band (as in Marching). They played some great songs, some of which were very technically challenging. James was able to play both bass and clarinet. We sat with people we knew, and saw lots of people we knew (which is still kind of a novelty to me). The Band Boosters provided free cookies.What more could you want?
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