I keep a daily journal - actually an "Engineering Logbook" - to keep track of all the things I'm not getting accomplished. Been doing it for years, ever since Seattle, recording my day-to-day work activities along with whatever else pops into my head.
Around the end (or beginning) of each year, I like to go back through my log to see what I've accomplished, to figure out if my life is going in the right direction, and make changes to my course if necessary.
So, let's take a look and see what was accomplished in 2015!
January
Oops. Not a good start. I got sick right off the bat, and stayed in bed for awhile. But rallied long enough to watch the FIRST Robotics kick-off. From home. Of course, none of my kids were involved in Robotics. They were busy doing other things - like playing in Marching Band, or performing in plays, or being very artistic. Or, like James, moving to Germany
The soon-to-be expatriate had a big going-away part with his friends. For which we, his parents and siblings, cleaned the house. And prepared food and games and even put up temporary wall coverings in the basement so it didn't look quite so primitive while they were playing ping-pong. The kids had fun. And the house survived.
We (the parents) were not so sure about our own survival, though. It became more apparent with each passing day that we are complete failures as parents. With all the arguments with Deb over body piercings, religion, economics, and politics, and needing to start Mary in depression therapy (like her big brother Adam), the tension got so thick at times that you could choke on it.
Then there was the constant, piling snow. And the consequent shoveling. And the constant need for car repairs. And the endless (and long) Robotics meetings (for me).
YEt there were some good things that happened. We finally got the building permit for the basement. My sister, Jeanne, turned 50. Yay! I moved into a new office for work, with much improvement in decor, environment, and temperature.
Also, we saw the movie "Into the Woods", the music of which I am quite enamored. Not so much the things that happen in the play.
Years ago, the middle school music / drama teacher with whom I was working to put on the the spring musical commented that she wanted to do that play. Ic could only assume she was either joking, or quite mad. That play is just too dark for middle school. Probably too dark for even high school!
February
February didn't start off well, as the weather only got colder and snowier, and the Seahawks teased us by getting all the way to the Super Bowl and then blowing the game in the last thirty seconds.
We spent a lot of blood, sweat and tears trying to figure out how to get Adam back to school and back to work. He finally managed to renew his old job working food service at the college. We celebrated with breakfast for dinner, his favorite.
We spent several frustrating hours arguing (again) with Deb about the rules of dating. We drove James down to Chicago and spent a couple of frustrating hours trying to deal with overweight charges for his luggage before they finally let him check in. The Dodge minivan died on the road, foul victim to a muffler ambush. A huge pile of snow magically appeared in the attic, and we only discovered it because it began melting and dripped down the front-entry chandelier and onto the floor.
But there were some good things that happened, too. Deb got a job at Little Caesar's. We introduced the kids to the old classic Disney flick, "Swiss Family Robinson", via Netflix. We watched several exciting episodes of "Foyle's War" and "Backstrom".
And our arms got stronger due to all the snow shoveling.
March
March was extremely tiring. The East Kentwood Robotics team hosted its very first FIRST Robotics Competition. And we volunteers worked our little fannies off. It was a lot of work over a long three-day weekend. A lot of work.
My Writer's Group fizzled out as people were unable to meet anymore for one reason or another. At the end, it was only me and Adam and a young girl from church meeting at the library and talking about fantasy novels.
The arguments with Deb continued, getting so bad that, at one point, she stormed out of the house and spent the night with a girlfriend.
I ran out of work and spent a few very anxious days waiting for a new assignment. And wondering if I was going to get paid.
The Pontiac had to have its water pump replaced. $$
We became very familiar with the Post Office, shipping computer hardware and personal possessions to James in Germany. And discovered that shipping heavy items to Germany is really, really expensive. $$$
We had to sell the Dodge Caravan (minivan) to the junkyard for scrap. I was very upset about it, but there was no room in the garage to work on another car. Or time, for that matter.
We found some weird brownish watery substance staining the subfloor panels in the basement and had to rip them out and replace them. Unfortunately, we never did figure out what it was or where it came from.
To top it all off, I called my doctor's office to set up a physical because I was having some difficulty breathing (like asthma), and the receptionist went into hyper mode and demanded that I immediately go to the Emergency Room. In fact, she called ahead to let them know I was coming. So then I was afraid to not go because they might come and get me. So Cheryl drove me to the Emergency Room and we spent a few hours there while they poked and prodded me and found absolutely nothing wrong, other than the fact that I couldn't get a deep breath. They finally shrugged and sent me home.
Perhaps it's just stress. Not like there's a shortage of that around here.
On the good side of things, we watched the Spring Musical at the high school, "Cats". And I remembered why I never really liked that musical, other than the song, "Memory" (and always wondered why they didn't call it "Meowmory").
April
My body continued to fall apart. I'd wrecked my back the previous October and was getting shooting pains down my leg, like sciatica, which prevented me from getting a good night's sleep. I finally started some physical therapy for my back. The therapist said that I walk crooked and twisted so that one leg appears shorter than the other. So I started doing special exercises twice a day.
The garage door spring broke. The other one broke last year. The warranty must have finally expired after 11 years. I guess they're just 10-year springs. But at least I remembered how to change it.
My green Subaru, Serenity II, had to have a front bearing and ball joint replaced. $$$$
There still wasn't a lot of work at work. So I updated my resume and started looking around to see what else was available.
On the positive side of life, we learned how to use Skype so we could do weekly chats with James and Tabea. Live! From Germany! It's the James and Tabea Show!
Some good friends at church gave us their old couches, with built-in recliners, so we were finally able to upgrade some of the family room furniture so that it looks less like we are still in college (and getting our furniture from Goodwill).
I had Mary drive me to a Nature Center way down south in order to help out on an Eagle Scout project. She got some good driving experience and I got sore hands.
May
May started out with a couple parties. First was Adam's 21st birthday, which we celebrated in grand style: chicken and burgers on the outdoor grill. Then Deb went to the prom with some girlfriends and had a good time. Mostly.
Deb, Mary and I drove to Derby, Kansas, for their cousin Caleb's Open House. And then we drove home in a pouring rain that was so intense I couldn't see most of the time.
On the bad side, Cheryl's best friend's father-in-law died. We had spent many a happy hour hearing his stories about living in New York and being a teacher. We were sad that he left us, but grateful for the joy we have getting to know his family.
Speaking of dying, that's what Adam's laptop did, too.
But I managed to fix an issue on my Subaru which made it run much better. Funny how just a knock sensor can improve the engine performance...
June
This was already going to be a crazy month because we had plans to fly out to the Pacific Northwest to attend the Green Family Reunion. And traveling on airplanes is just all kinds of fun these days!
But first, there were a few things to do around the house. Working on the basement (obviously), fixing gutters, moving things around between basement and garage. Watching a turtle lay its eggs in right next to our front sidewalk.
We took Adam to a local recruiting company to see if they could find him a job.
We attended a few Open Houses for high school graduates we knew from church and school.
We watched "Mad Max: Fury Road" and "Jurassic World".
I turned 52.
And then (finally) we flew to Oregon for the Green Family reunion, and got to hang out on the beach for a few days, just visiting and eating and playing silly games and taking lots of pictures. We also took some side trips up to Seattle to visit some very dear friends we hadn't seen in a long time. And spent some time with Ron, Eileen, and Uncle Bob down in Kelso.
And when it was time to go back, we experienced all the fun -- and ridiculous cancellations and delays -- that the modern airline travel system can boast.
Ugh! I don't like flying.
July
There are a few events in July that generate a lot of enthusiasm around here, one of them being the Downs family reunion down in Bloomington, and another being the 4th of July parade in Kentwood. The former because we get to see some of the relatives and go on hikes in a pretty park and swim in a very nice outdoor pool and eat way too much food (including home-made ice cream) and try to figure out how to beat cousin Bob at chess (a futile effort on my part). The latter because the high school Marching Band gets to march for a couple miles while I drive the Pit Crew tractor behind them. I march best while seated.
There's also Vacation Bible School (for which I love volunteering), but it's hard to get a lot of enthusiasm from anyone but me because all the kids are grown up and they're not into teaching little kids like I am.
And the big event is Marching Band Camp. Because Deb's attended it and I'm in charge of the Pit Crew. Which means we were both there all week long, soaking up the hot sun and doing a lot of running (or marching) around. By the end, we were both exhausted.
But there was so much more to do!
I learned how to replace the calipers on Cheryl's Sonata. And jury-rigged an exhaust system repair on my Subaru to try and reduce the noise level. A new system would cost $$$, but my fix only cost about $5 in parts.
And I started a new job, this time working as a kind of jack-of-all-trades Systems Engineer for a Research and Development group, designing and building three flight simulator labs.
To try and get ready for Band Camp, which is very physically demanding on the Pit Crew, I started running every morning, because I am so out of shape. I needed to be able to run at least a mile without stopping. It took me most of the month to get to that point, and my pace was nothing to be proud of, but it kept me from having a heart attack during Band Camp.
Cheryl and I also started some marriage counseling. Dealing with the kids has been really straining things (and I count myself as the 5th kid).
At the end of the month, Cheryl volunteered to go down to Texas to spend a few weeks with Mom while she's getting ready for back surgery.
And for our family "date night", we used some of Jan's Fandango Bucks to see "Inside Out".
August
Cheryl drove down to Texas. For two weeks or so, it was just me and the kids. It's a miracle the house was still standing. Not because of the kids; they were as quiet as church mice. But it just wasn't right to be in the house without Cheryl. It's like the place was missing its soul.
I was very busy with my new job and regular Marching Band practice which had started up, and working on the basement, and anything else that would fill up my mind while she was gone. Calling my parents' house nearly every night helped some. But there was still a void here.
So when she came home, we celebrated.
And when Adam got his new job, we celebrated.
Cheryl and I also celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary!
September
First day of the new month, I got a parking ticket for having the car facing the wrong direction on the street. Seems the local law enforcement folks got nothing better to do with their time.
School started up, and Deb started her dual-enrollment schedule. She's taking two college classes along with all her high school courses, so she's quite busy.
The plumbing company we hired finished installing pipes and vents and all the things we needed to get the basement ready for heating and cooling and showering and all that stuff. They didn't do a fantastic job, though. In truth, it looked kind of sloppy.
We called the exterminator to come out and get rid of some yellow jackets that had crawled into the superstructure of our gas fireplace. Took 'em a couple days to stop buzzing before the poison finally got to 'em.
We had our first Marching Band performances. Apparently, there was some kind of a "game" going on at the same time. Not sure that all that was about. Something called "football"...
With the news of Dean Jones' death, we paid our respects by watching his most excellent one-man play, "St. John in Exile". That was an amazing performance, one I'll probably watch several times.
We started attending a Home Bible Study group. Kind of weird to finally start attending one after being at the church over a decade, but sometimes our over-involvement in so many other church-related things means we don't have time to just relax with some other believers and share our thoughts.
On the car front, I had to replace the brake pads and rotors on Adam's car, and put a new radiator in Deb's red Subaru.
And Mary had her Sweet Sixteen birthday!
October
We probably got a bit ahead of ourselves in the basement, ordering cabinetry before the framing was even completed. But we're dreamers. So when the cabinets for the kitchenette finally arrived, I had no idea where to put them, other than in the garage. Where they took up an entire bay. Which means I'll be parking my car outside for the duration.
But we did make some forward progress: the electrical permit for the basement was applied for and granted. Now to finalize the plans, implement them, and get through the inspection! But first I had to go backwards, reworking the framing that the plumbers did and fix a few things they broke before I could finish the bathroom wiring.
James returned from Germany, looking to earn some money before heading back next April to start school. Now where are we going to put him? I already tore up his old room.
We had quite a few Marching Band performances and competitions this month. So busy working Pit Crew that I didn't have time to get everything done in the basement like I wanted.
The Greens, who came out for a visit, were hoping to help with some drywall and painting, but we weren't even close to it, so all they got to do was sit around and chat. And work on family history stuff. And hang out with the kids. We thoroughly enjoyed their visit, although it would've been much better had the basement been further along.
But there had been other distractions.
Deb's car wasn't quite done with repairs yet; in addition to the new radiator, we had to replace quite a few coolant hoses up on top of the engine block, and then we put a brand-new exhaust system on it because three feet of pipe mysteriously disappeared one night. I suspect the Rust Bandit, who wanders around the streets of Michigan loosening exhaust pipes and mufflers while people are sleeping, so that all the rusted parts drop off during the day when they're out driving.
November
Mary got a great part in the Fall play; not only did she get a lot of lines to say, but she got to kiss a boy from New Zealand! It was her first kiss, too. Not sure if it counts, though, being as it was in a play. Does it?
Deb got a new job at Old Navy, which is a good thing because we spent even more money on her car, putting brand-new wheels and tires on for the winter. Adam lost his job for one reason or another, but it was probably for the best anyway because it was a sales job and that never seemed to fit his personality anyway.
We watched Mary in her play -- I was there all three nights! -- and then we got to watch another high school play ("Our Town") with one of my favorite kids from church in it (my third daughter, Sarah). And then we all went out and saw "The Martian" in a theater with electronic reclining seats! It was so awesomely comfortable, I could've fallen asleep in it -- except that the movie was very exciting.
Marching Band season ended, and I hosted the Pit Crew Breakfast, hoping to pass on the keys to the next "lucky" individual who will be Pit Crew Chief next year.
In an effort to pinpoint the trouble we're having with Adam, we had him tested for Asperger's. And found out he is right on the edge of high-functioning autism (because they aren't allowed to diagnose it as "Asperger's" anymore). Which means we're going to need to do a lot of research to figure out how to deal with his situation.
We celebrated James's 20th birthday. Wow, is he old, or what?
Then we had some dear friends over for a wonderful Thanskgiving feast.
And my job came to an end.
December
And then I got called back to work to cover for someone who was on vacation. Just for a week, of course, but what a fun week it was!
Took me almost two more weeks to get another job, and this one only goes through the middle of March, but at least it keeps the money coming in.
Cheryl put in for another job, something more aligned with her English degree, teaching Reading to kids who don't read so well. She got the job, of course, but won't actually start it until mid-January.
And I decided to take a kid-free vacation so that Cheryl and I could enjoy a little break from Life, the Universe and Everything that Stresses Us Out by driving down to Texas for Christmas without the children (who are obviously old enough to take care of themselves anyway). We had a marvelous time hanging out with the family, going out to see "Star Wars", exchanging gifts, celebrating Cheryl's birthday, eating lots of yummy food, and sitting around relaxing. In fact, I got so relaxed that I didn't really do much of anything except read books and watch movies.
But when it came time to head home, we found ourselves driving in the middle of the worst storm ever. So far. They called it "Goliath". We called it "So Much Rain We Can't See the Road". Two days of driving in it nearly wiped us out. It did wipe out several roads around Interstates 44 and 70, but we kept ahead of the brunt of it and managed to get home with only a slight delay.
And then we got to celebrate Christmas and Cheryl's birthday all over again!!
The New Year
And what of the New Year ahead?
It's going to be challenging. We have lots of things to do, lots of issues to figure out, lots of house projects to work on.
I need to find a new job.
Cheryl needs to see if she's going to enjoy her new job.
We need to figure out how to get Adam through school. And through life.
We need to help James get back to Germany.
We need to get Deb graduated and on into college.
We need to prepare Mary for her final year of high school, picking colleges, etc.
And I need to lose some serious weight (as those of you at the reunion can attest).
Around the end (or beginning) of each year, I like to go back through my log to see what I've accomplished, to figure out if my life is going in the right direction, and make changes to my course if necessary.
So, let's take a look and see what was accomplished in 2015!
January
Oops. Not a good start. I got sick right off the bat, and stayed in bed for awhile. But rallied long enough to watch the FIRST Robotics kick-off. From home. Of course, none of my kids were involved in Robotics. They were busy doing other things - like playing in Marching Band, or performing in plays, or being very artistic. Or, like James, moving to Germany
The soon-to-be expatriate had a big going-away part with his friends. For which we, his parents and siblings, cleaned the house. And prepared food and games and even put up temporary wall coverings in the basement so it didn't look quite so primitive while they were playing ping-pong. The kids had fun. And the house survived.
We (the parents) were not so sure about our own survival, though. It became more apparent with each passing day that we are complete failures as parents. With all the arguments with Deb over body piercings, religion, economics, and politics, and needing to start Mary in depression therapy (like her big brother Adam), the tension got so thick at times that you could choke on it.
Then there was the constant, piling snow. And the consequent shoveling. And the constant need for car repairs. And the endless (and long) Robotics meetings (for me).
YEt there were some good things that happened. We finally got the building permit for the basement. My sister, Jeanne, turned 50. Yay! I moved into a new office for work, with much improvement in decor, environment, and temperature.
Also, we saw the movie "Into the Woods", the music of which I am quite enamored. Not so much the things that happen in the play.
Years ago, the middle school music / drama teacher with whom I was working to put on the the spring musical commented that she wanted to do that play. Ic could only assume she was either joking, or quite mad. That play is just too dark for middle school. Probably too dark for even high school!
February
February didn't start off well, as the weather only got colder and snowier, and the Seahawks teased us by getting all the way to the Super Bowl and then blowing the game in the last thirty seconds.
We spent a lot of blood, sweat and tears trying to figure out how to get Adam back to school and back to work. He finally managed to renew his old job working food service at the college. We celebrated with breakfast for dinner, his favorite.
We spent several frustrating hours arguing (again) with Deb about the rules of dating. We drove James down to Chicago and spent a couple of frustrating hours trying to deal with overweight charges for his luggage before they finally let him check in. The Dodge minivan died on the road, foul victim to a muffler ambush. A huge pile of snow magically appeared in the attic, and we only discovered it because it began melting and dripped down the front-entry chandelier and onto the floor.
But there were some good things that happened, too. Deb got a job at Little Caesar's. We introduced the kids to the old classic Disney flick, "Swiss Family Robinson", via Netflix. We watched several exciting episodes of "Foyle's War" and "Backstrom".
And our arms got stronger due to all the snow shoveling.
March
March was extremely tiring. The East Kentwood Robotics team hosted its very first FIRST Robotics Competition. And we volunteers worked our little fannies off. It was a lot of work over a long three-day weekend. A lot of work.
My Writer's Group fizzled out as people were unable to meet anymore for one reason or another. At the end, it was only me and Adam and a young girl from church meeting at the library and talking about fantasy novels.
The arguments with Deb continued, getting so bad that, at one point, she stormed out of the house and spent the night with a girlfriend.
I ran out of work and spent a few very anxious days waiting for a new assignment. And wondering if I was going to get paid.
The Pontiac had to have its water pump replaced. $$
We became very familiar with the Post Office, shipping computer hardware and personal possessions to James in Germany. And discovered that shipping heavy items to Germany is really, really expensive. $$$
We had to sell the Dodge Caravan (minivan) to the junkyard for scrap. I was very upset about it, but there was no room in the garage to work on another car. Or time, for that matter.
We found some weird brownish watery substance staining the subfloor panels in the basement and had to rip them out and replace them. Unfortunately, we never did figure out what it was or where it came from.
To top it all off, I called my doctor's office to set up a physical because I was having some difficulty breathing (like asthma), and the receptionist went into hyper mode and demanded that I immediately go to the Emergency Room. In fact, she called ahead to let them know I was coming. So then I was afraid to not go because they might come and get me. So Cheryl drove me to the Emergency Room and we spent a few hours there while they poked and prodded me and found absolutely nothing wrong, other than the fact that I couldn't get a deep breath. They finally shrugged and sent me home.
Perhaps it's just stress. Not like there's a shortage of that around here.
On the good side of things, we watched the Spring Musical at the high school, "Cats". And I remembered why I never really liked that musical, other than the song, "Memory" (and always wondered why they didn't call it "Meowmory").
April
My body continued to fall apart. I'd wrecked my back the previous October and was getting shooting pains down my leg, like sciatica, which prevented me from getting a good night's sleep. I finally started some physical therapy for my back. The therapist said that I walk crooked and twisted so that one leg appears shorter than the other. So I started doing special exercises twice a day.
The garage door spring broke. The other one broke last year. The warranty must have finally expired after 11 years. I guess they're just 10-year springs. But at least I remembered how to change it.
My green Subaru, Serenity II, had to have a front bearing and ball joint replaced. $$$$
There still wasn't a lot of work at work. So I updated my resume and started looking around to see what else was available.
On the positive side of life, we learned how to use Skype so we could do weekly chats with James and Tabea. Live! From Germany! It's the James and Tabea Show!
Some good friends at church gave us their old couches, with built-in recliners, so we were finally able to upgrade some of the family room furniture so that it looks less like we are still in college (and getting our furniture from Goodwill).
I had Mary drive me to a Nature Center way down south in order to help out on an Eagle Scout project. She got some good driving experience and I got sore hands.
May
May started out with a couple parties. First was Adam's 21st birthday, which we celebrated in grand style: chicken and burgers on the outdoor grill. Then Deb went to the prom with some girlfriends and had a good time. Mostly.
Deb, Mary and I drove to Derby, Kansas, for their cousin Caleb's Open House. And then we drove home in a pouring rain that was so intense I couldn't see most of the time.
On the bad side, Cheryl's best friend's father-in-law died. We had spent many a happy hour hearing his stories about living in New York and being a teacher. We were sad that he left us, but grateful for the joy we have getting to know his family.
Speaking of dying, that's what Adam's laptop did, too.
But I managed to fix an issue on my Subaru which made it run much better. Funny how just a knock sensor can improve the engine performance...
June
This was already going to be a crazy month because we had plans to fly out to the Pacific Northwest to attend the Green Family Reunion. And traveling on airplanes is just all kinds of fun these days!
But first, there were a few things to do around the house. Working on the basement (obviously), fixing gutters, moving things around between basement and garage. Watching a turtle lay its eggs in right next to our front sidewalk.
We took Adam to a local recruiting company to see if they could find him a job.
We attended a few Open Houses for high school graduates we knew from church and school.
We watched "Mad Max: Fury Road" and "Jurassic World".
I turned 52.
And then (finally) we flew to Oregon for the Green Family reunion, and got to hang out on the beach for a few days, just visiting and eating and playing silly games and taking lots of pictures. We also took some side trips up to Seattle to visit some very dear friends we hadn't seen in a long time. And spent some time with Ron, Eileen, and Uncle Bob down in Kelso.
And when it was time to go back, we experienced all the fun -- and ridiculous cancellations and delays -- that the modern airline travel system can boast.
Ugh! I don't like flying.
July
There are a few events in July that generate a lot of enthusiasm around here, one of them being the Downs family reunion down in Bloomington, and another being the 4th of July parade in Kentwood. The former because we get to see some of the relatives and go on hikes in a pretty park and swim in a very nice outdoor pool and eat way too much food (including home-made ice cream) and try to figure out how to beat cousin Bob at chess (a futile effort on my part). The latter because the high school Marching Band gets to march for a couple miles while I drive the Pit Crew tractor behind them. I march best while seated.
There's also Vacation Bible School (for which I love volunteering), but it's hard to get a lot of enthusiasm from anyone but me because all the kids are grown up and they're not into teaching little kids like I am.
And the big event is Marching Band Camp. Because Deb's attended it and I'm in charge of the Pit Crew. Which means we were both there all week long, soaking up the hot sun and doing a lot of running (or marching) around. By the end, we were both exhausted.
But there was so much more to do!
I learned how to replace the calipers on Cheryl's Sonata. And jury-rigged an exhaust system repair on my Subaru to try and reduce the noise level. A new system would cost $$$, but my fix only cost about $5 in parts.
And I started a new job, this time working as a kind of jack-of-all-trades Systems Engineer for a Research and Development group, designing and building three flight simulator labs.
To try and get ready for Band Camp, which is very physically demanding on the Pit Crew, I started running every morning, because I am so out of shape. I needed to be able to run at least a mile without stopping. It took me most of the month to get to that point, and my pace was nothing to be proud of, but it kept me from having a heart attack during Band Camp.
Cheryl and I also started some marriage counseling. Dealing with the kids has been really straining things (and I count myself as the 5th kid).
At the end of the month, Cheryl volunteered to go down to Texas to spend a few weeks with Mom while she's getting ready for back surgery.
And for our family "date night", we used some of Jan's Fandango Bucks to see "Inside Out".
August
Cheryl drove down to Texas. For two weeks or so, it was just me and the kids. It's a miracle the house was still standing. Not because of the kids; they were as quiet as church mice. But it just wasn't right to be in the house without Cheryl. It's like the place was missing its soul.
I was very busy with my new job and regular Marching Band practice which had started up, and working on the basement, and anything else that would fill up my mind while she was gone. Calling my parents' house nearly every night helped some. But there was still a void here.
So when she came home, we celebrated.
And when Adam got his new job, we celebrated.
Cheryl and I also celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary!
September
First day of the new month, I got a parking ticket for having the car facing the wrong direction on the street. Seems the local law enforcement folks got nothing better to do with their time.
School started up, and Deb started her dual-enrollment schedule. She's taking two college classes along with all her high school courses, so she's quite busy.
The plumbing company we hired finished installing pipes and vents and all the things we needed to get the basement ready for heating and cooling and showering and all that stuff. They didn't do a fantastic job, though. In truth, it looked kind of sloppy.
We called the exterminator to come out and get rid of some yellow jackets that had crawled into the superstructure of our gas fireplace. Took 'em a couple days to stop buzzing before the poison finally got to 'em.
We had our first Marching Band performances. Apparently, there was some kind of a "game" going on at the same time. Not sure that all that was about. Something called "football"...
With the news of Dean Jones' death, we paid our respects by watching his most excellent one-man play, "St. John in Exile". That was an amazing performance, one I'll probably watch several times.
We started attending a Home Bible Study group. Kind of weird to finally start attending one after being at the church over a decade, but sometimes our over-involvement in so many other church-related things means we don't have time to just relax with some other believers and share our thoughts.
On the car front, I had to replace the brake pads and rotors on Adam's car, and put a new radiator in Deb's red Subaru.
And Mary had her Sweet Sixteen birthday!
October
We probably got a bit ahead of ourselves in the basement, ordering cabinetry before the framing was even completed. But we're dreamers. So when the cabinets for the kitchenette finally arrived, I had no idea where to put them, other than in the garage. Where they took up an entire bay. Which means I'll be parking my car outside for the duration.
But we did make some forward progress: the electrical permit for the basement was applied for and granted. Now to finalize the plans, implement them, and get through the inspection! But first I had to go backwards, reworking the framing that the plumbers did and fix a few things they broke before I could finish the bathroom wiring.
James returned from Germany, looking to earn some money before heading back next April to start school. Now where are we going to put him? I already tore up his old room.
We had quite a few Marching Band performances and competitions this month. So busy working Pit Crew that I didn't have time to get everything done in the basement like I wanted.
The Greens, who came out for a visit, were hoping to help with some drywall and painting, but we weren't even close to it, so all they got to do was sit around and chat. And work on family history stuff. And hang out with the kids. We thoroughly enjoyed their visit, although it would've been much better had the basement been further along.
But there had been other distractions.
Deb's car wasn't quite done with repairs yet; in addition to the new radiator, we had to replace quite a few coolant hoses up on top of the engine block, and then we put a brand-new exhaust system on it because three feet of pipe mysteriously disappeared one night. I suspect the Rust Bandit, who wanders around the streets of Michigan loosening exhaust pipes and mufflers while people are sleeping, so that all the rusted parts drop off during the day when they're out driving.
November
Mary got a great part in the Fall play; not only did she get a lot of lines to say, but she got to kiss a boy from New Zealand! It was her first kiss, too. Not sure if it counts, though, being as it was in a play. Does it?
Deb got a new job at Old Navy, which is a good thing because we spent even more money on her car, putting brand-new wheels and tires on for the winter. Adam lost his job for one reason or another, but it was probably for the best anyway because it was a sales job and that never seemed to fit his personality anyway.
We watched Mary in her play -- I was there all three nights! -- and then we got to watch another high school play ("Our Town") with one of my favorite kids from church in it (my third daughter, Sarah). And then we all went out and saw "The Martian" in a theater with electronic reclining seats! It was so awesomely comfortable, I could've fallen asleep in it -- except that the movie was very exciting.
Marching Band season ended, and I hosted the Pit Crew Breakfast, hoping to pass on the keys to the next "lucky" individual who will be Pit Crew Chief next year.
In an effort to pinpoint the trouble we're having with Adam, we had him tested for Asperger's. And found out he is right on the edge of high-functioning autism (because they aren't allowed to diagnose it as "Asperger's" anymore). Which means we're going to need to do a lot of research to figure out how to deal with his situation.
We celebrated James's 20th birthday. Wow, is he old, or what?
Then we had some dear friends over for a wonderful Thanskgiving feast.
And my job came to an end.
December
And then I got called back to work to cover for someone who was on vacation. Just for a week, of course, but what a fun week it was!
Took me almost two more weeks to get another job, and this one only goes through the middle of March, but at least it keeps the money coming in.
Cheryl put in for another job, something more aligned with her English degree, teaching Reading to kids who don't read so well. She got the job, of course, but won't actually start it until mid-January.
And I decided to take a kid-free vacation so that Cheryl and I could enjoy a little break from Life, the Universe and Everything that Stresses Us Out by driving down to Texas for Christmas without the children (who are obviously old enough to take care of themselves anyway). We had a marvelous time hanging out with the family, going out to see "Star Wars", exchanging gifts, celebrating Cheryl's birthday, eating lots of yummy food, and sitting around relaxing. In fact, I got so relaxed that I didn't really do much of anything except read books and watch movies.
But when it came time to head home, we found ourselves driving in the middle of the worst storm ever. So far. They called it "Goliath". We called it "So Much Rain We Can't See the Road". Two days of driving in it nearly wiped us out. It did wipe out several roads around Interstates 44 and 70, but we kept ahead of the brunt of it and managed to get home with only a slight delay.
And then we got to celebrate Christmas and Cheryl's birthday all over again!!
The New Year
And what of the New Year ahead?
It's going to be challenging. We have lots of things to do, lots of issues to figure out, lots of house projects to work on.
I need to find a new job.
Cheryl needs to see if she's going to enjoy her new job.
We need to figure out how to get Adam through school. And through life.
We need to help James get back to Germany.
We need to get Deb graduated and on into college.
We need to prepare Mary for her final year of high school, picking colleges, etc.
And I need to lose some serious weight (as those of you at the reunion can attest).
4 comments:
Bro. All those "we need to"'s make me feel stressed! Just gonna share a bit of stress-relieving strategy. Well, it's late so I'm gonna get carried away and too wordy, but in a nutshell: try not to feel like you are responsible for the outcome of every decision your children make. The older they get, the more important it is to choose our battles-- and the older they get, the fewer battles we should choose to fight.
You may recall that as we pass through adolescence, we are hard-wired to separate/differentiate ourselves from our parents. This sometimes leads to the point of outright rebellion. It is part of the process of growing up. Meanwhile, the hormones cause a rush of antagonism that serves to make the leaving the nest easier on both parties-- parents and late-teen offspring are in conflict so often that leaving home is a relief. Seriously: it can be a healthy, normal thing-- like the terrible twos, only much more painful.
When we argue with these offspring on any topic, they are hard-wired and hormonally bound to convince themselves that they think the exact opposite of us. Often, however, if we give them the respect we would give non-related people to think their own thoughts and make their own decisions-- yes, even their own mistakes-- they may feel released from the compulsion to rebel, because there is nothing to rebel against.
Letting go of our children does not mean we let go of our love for them-- we just let go of the need to control them. We still have some responsibilities, of course-- they are not ready to be self-supporting the minute they grab that diploma-- but letting go of the responsibility for their decisions is incredibly liberating. Being a cheerleader is so much more fun!
After all, they are not really "yours" or "mine"-- they are individuals in their own right, just like us. Granted, we are not obligated to finance any decisions we do not agree with, nor should we bail anyone out of the natural consequences-- no need to pay for that diamond nose stud or replace the car that was totaled through reckless driving-- but I'm pretty sure arguing over purple hair or anything else only sets their resolve.
Finally, be aware that at least part of the parental to control our growing progeny stems from our own sense of pride. When we have poured our lives into raising our children, we often expect them to reflect our own values and beliefs... values and beliefs that have taken us fifty years to acquire. And then when they act, dress, speak, or even think in a way that conflicts with that, we may feel embarrassed and humiliated, thinking "everyone" will see them and think we are "failures" as parents. In reality, however, they aren't extensions of us; they are unique individuals at a different stage of life than ours, with different life experiences than we had. They may some day agree with many of our ideas and values, or they may not.
But you know what? It has been that way forever. Every generation has experienced the same conflict. And in each case, the "children" in question are just as beloved by their creator as their parents ever were. God doesn't see them as *our* children, he sees them as *his* children. Just like we are. Even if they want to argue his existence. So we can just let go and let him do his thing.
Anyway, it's late so I wrote way too much and you already know it anyway. It's just hard to put in practice when your heart is walking around in four different younger bodies. But for the sake of the heart beating in your own aging body, try to remember! Love you.
I understand and agree with your comments. But I cannot begin to explain the depth of my anger when my children treat their mother or myself with disrespect. I realize that they are trying to become adults by engaging their parents in adult discussions, but too often it comes across as "I know everything (because I read it on the Internet), and you are idiots (because you are old and irrelevant)." I am hardwired to demand respect for my position as father and as husband, and when I don't get it, my anger flares into unimaginable heights.
My nature is to avoid conflict at all costs; as a result, my role is generally the peace-keeper of the house. And I can endure a lot of immature talk and behavior from my children given their level of (or lack of) experience in the world.
But the one thing I will absolutely not tolerate in my house is when my children are disrespectful towards their mother. That is when my tone changes from "Can we avoid controversial subjects, please" to "If you don't want to follow the rules of my house, you can leave."
Towards this end, I am encouraging them to get out of my house as soon as possible, whether it be getting a job and moving out on their own, or going to school someplace far enough away that they will not be living at home, or even living that dream of being in Germany. I will move heaven and earth to get them where they want to go, because the longer they stay here, the more probable it is that they will cross a line they should never have crossed, and they will find themselves experiencing the joys of living on their own with only as much of their stuff as they can cram into a backpack. And they will not be welcomed back until they can keep a civil tongue in their heads.
Danger, Will Robinson. The obnoxious attitude and behavior of are adolescence is a temporary mental illness, but the relationship damage that can happen during these years can last much longer. Don't fall into the trap of thinking their behavior is the endpoint of your years of parenting. Disrespect and extremely hurtful words/actions are not who they are, but a by-product of what they're going through.
This is the time of life when modeling Jesus to our children is the hardest, but perhaps the most important: it's the time when we get to model the humility and forgiveness of a Creator who would have the very beings he created spit on him, insult him, beat him, and ultimately kill him. Sure, our natural reaction is anger, frustration, retaliation, "I'm the boss here and don't you forget it!" But as he said, "They don't know what they're doing."
Setting healthy boundaries best refers to putting limits on what we can control: our own response. As in, "When you talk to me that way, I will not engage." Period. Walk away. One doesn't argue with crazy. On the other hand, trying to enforce boundaries on their behavior stimulates their mental illness in the worst way. And declaring that there is a line that they can cross, to some young people (whose frontal lobe, after all, is not fully developed until mid-twenties), is the ultimate "triple dog dare ya."
As for "keeping a civil tongue," that's really hard to do these days, even for grown people that grew up in generations that weren't bombarded with profanity and glorified insolence from every media outlet and schoolyard. If they're not calling from the police station or doing drugs in your basement, that's better than a lot of parents can hope for. I'm not saying disrespect should be accepted or excused, I'm just saying it is a temporary symptom of the mental illness that is not worth destroying relationships over.
I'd keep that welcome mat out.
One doesn't argue with crazy, but one also doesn't keep it in close contact to see how much more damage it can do. One sets boundaries in order to determine when correction is necessary; and if that correction (humbly proposed in love, of course) is rejected, there is no choice if the sanctity of the family is to be preserved.
Boundaries are also put in place to protect the corporate family from the actions or inactions of individuals in that family. Unfortunately, sometimes the severity of the action necessitates the expulsion of the individual for the sake of the family's health (emotional, physical, psychological, spiritual).
I am not so stupid as to accept rude behavior from teenagers at face value; there are always reasons, and reasons behind reasons, and sometimes physiological imperfections (besides the obvious hormonal effects) which drive their mouths to run ahead of their brains. But there are always consequences to bad behavior, and sometimes the more serious consequences must occur when the behavior surpasses the level beyond which family harmony is impossible to recover. And here I am not speaking of the parental-child family dynamic, but of the core husband-wife dynamic. There are gulfs which may be opened between the husband and wife by the child's behavior, especially if that child persists in their misbehavior to the point where the wife feels threatened, either emotionally or psychologically; and if the wife perceives that the husband is not providing protection from this threat, even though his intent is merely to preserve some semblance of peace and harmony in the household, the very core relationship of the household may be in jeopardy.
In attempting to enforce consequences to unacceptable actions, I am not expecting to destroy relationships. In fact, I am attempting to preserve the future relationships, with the expectation that time and maturity will induce the offender to come to their senses and realize the extent of their insult, much like the Prodigal Son, and come back to the family in humble contriteness. As in that story, the welcome mat will always be out, the robe will be pressed and ready, and the fatted calf will be ... fat.
In any event, when the children have had to be confronted about their behavior and the possible consequences, it must be stressed that I do not approach them in anger, nor with a spirit of retribution, but as one who is eager for them to achieve their independence and will "move heaven and earth" to help them do so. It is not, "Get out of my house before I really lose my temper!" but rather "How can I help you to get a job? buy your own car? find an apartment?"
It must also be noted that once we are presented with extenuating circumstances which produce undesirable behavior, as was the case with Adam, we adjust our expectations accordingly so that the boundaries conform to what we may reasonably expect rather than what may not be reasonable given the limitations of his circumstance.
For the rest of them, as neurotypical specimens of the human race, we expect them to act like typical teenagers, with the accompanying moments of immaturity, irrationality, and insufferably egotistical insecurities. But when we observe that they have moved past the point where it is beneficial to either of us to live in close proximity to one another, in order to preserve what little harmony of spirit we may still retain, we congratulate them on having achieved (at least in their minds) a level of education and mental acuity sufficient to survive in the Great Big World, and then do everything in our power to help them move on to the next stage of their development. Where they can find and set their own boundaries.
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