Tuesday, May 02, 2017

You'll Always Be First

Dear Adam,

You'll always be first. No matter what else happens, no matter how many years go by, you'll always be the one who first taught me what being a father is all about. Not just the fun and games, the laughing and playing and singing and reading and watching silly movies (and quoting them endlessly), but also the sad times when I made mistakes and tears would flow and hearts would break and there was nothing I wanted more in the whole world than to pick you up and hold you close and make everything all right.

You taught me all about sleepless nights and worrying about the breathing thing and the absolute joy of finding out that it is actually possible to sleep with a baby on your chest; you taught me how to rock in the chair without making a sound, how to hum a lullaby so quietly that no one but you could hear; you were the first to show me the absolute wonder of watching a child learn to read; you were the first to laugh at my silly voices and goofy pantomime.

From you I learned the ache of having to let go, to trust that other people had something to offer my children, too. To watch as you went out into the world and made friends on your own, learned skills I could not teach, traveled to places I had never been.

Not everything has gone according to plan. There has been a lot of heartbreak along the way, but there has been so much more joy, not in the things that have happened with and to you, but in the fact that you were here to experience them, that you came into the world as a blessing to my life and the lives of the people who know you and love you, that you continue to learn and grow and stretch your mind, your heart, your soul.

You are a precious person to me, and you make me proud - not because of what you do or what you know or what you dream to be, but because of who you are -- your heart is strong and powerful and deep, an endless reservoir from which many visions flow.

I look forward to those visions, to the growing of your soul, to the revelation of the road which is your life. No one can see the twists and turns on the trails that others blaze; no one can walk the exact same path as the one you will choose.

You'll always be the first.

Happy Birthday!!