I've always known what I wanted to be when I grew up, ever since I found Dad's old CIE[1] kit ... and my parents bought me that electronic kit one Christmas. Although the word "engineer" wasn't really in my vocabulary at the time. And my idea of a career in electronics had more to do with repairing radios and televisions than working on computers and programs.
True, I've always loved airplanes and the thought of flying, and I've been writing stories and poems since the age of eight (on Mom's wonderful old portable Olivetti[2] Valentine typewriter, which I still remember with great fondness). But "pilot" and "writer" were not on the list of possible majors at the colleges I was hoping to attend. Nor was "singer/songwriter", "poet", "actor" or "movie director", although those were all things which appealed to me.
Electronics was something tangible, something that tied directly to a college major and led directly to a career once all the schooling was done. By the time I was a senior in high school, Electrical Engineer was in my vocabulary - and in my brain - as a worthy goal. Too, a new phrase had recently entered the jargon of the day: Computer Engineer, which combined Electrical Engineer with Computer Science. This one sounded very interesting, especially since I was coming of age right around the time that Personal Computers were becoming affordable for many people, and it was still possible for a young person as myself to go to Radio Shack and buy parts and build a kind of personal computer.
It was a no-brainer, then, when it came to college. I picked out some schools which offered electrical engineering and/or computer science and/or computer engineering. MIT, CalTech, WashU. Two rejections, one acceptance. Problem solved.
As luck would have it, engineering was (and is), in general, a well-paying career. Mostly. Enough to finance a few dreams here and there. Girlfriend. Wife. Kids. House. Maybe even college for those kids. Maybe.
On the subject of college and those kids, we run into the age-old question of: What do you want to be when you grow up? And its corollary: How are you going to get there?
We've been bugging Adam for months on this subject for one very particular reason: he's about to graduate High School.[3] It's almost time for him to move on, move out, grow up, get on with life.
He has until the beginning of May to decide which school he is going to attend. This isn't a deadline we've set for him; it's so that the college(s) can figure out the housing arrangements.
In order to get ready for this decision, there are all sorts of other preliminaries that have to be completed. Like filling out applications. Like applying for scholarships. Like finding money for tuition and books. Like finding a job to help pay for school costs.
To me, this is where the real decision is made, the decision about readiness. Is he really ready to be an adult, to handle the kinds of decisions he's going to have to make whem Mom and Dad aren't there to give him all the answers, or to push him to get things done? If he is ready, I shouldn't have to keep reminding him to get all these things done. He should have enough initiative and drive and ambition to do these things himself, especially after we've brought them to his attention multiple times.
If not ... well, maybe he's not ready yet. Maybe he should sit this year out, find a job to make some money while he figure out what he really wants out of life. Maybe step out on his own, away from Mom-and-Dad's sheltering arms, and find out how to take care of himself.
We've been discussing lots of options lately. Deferring school for a year. Working full-time and taking some community college classes to get the basics out of the way. Spending the summer with grandparents.
I try to remember back to 1981 when it was my turn to grow up and leave home. I wasn't ready to grow up, not really.[4] But I was very lucky, and very blessed to have parents who were very patient with me. I don't have that kind of patience. And my purpose is to make sure my children learn from my experiences. If they're not ready to buckle down and study so that they don't waste a lot of time and money frittering away their study time on other things, they're not going. Not on my dime, and not on the government dime. I don't want them to come out with a huge debt hanging over their head. It's just not right.
[1]Cleveland Institute of Electronics. Still alive and kicking.
[2]Olivetti, alas, no longer produces manual typewriters.
[3]He also turns eighteen. He's an adult.
[4]I'm still not ready. Can you tell?
3 comments:
Dear Brother,
One of the great fallacies of life as we know it (and I can speak from personal experience on this) is that college is a foregone conclusion and there are no alternatives. If you want your child to go to college, and you can afford to have them splash around awhile, play some fun games like Marco Polo, and just get wet, then by all means let them go to college. But if your budget can only afford some serious swimming, the 1800 laps that it takes to graduate, with no deviation from course, then why not look into alternatives? Why do we just assume college is "next"? What about taking a year off to...go on a mission trip, learn a handy trade, or just work and save money, and think really hard about what "next" ought to be. I do not regret my life, because to do so would diminish what I now have, and what I would never dream of giving up, BUT, I wasted FOUR YEARS, and whatever money the parents doled out spashing around at a very expensive Christian college. To this day, I have no idea what it cost them to send me to school, and I sure never understood nor appreciated it at the time. It was just "next". Mom always got after me for not "applying" myself, and on that basis alone, I should have just stayed home, gone to a junior college, or just worked. But, I digress. It's our individual decision, and our turn is coming up fast enough. My oldest is interested in everything that comes down the pike. My youngest is very sure what she wants to do. So we'll have a challenge too! Hope you get through your season of change in one piece! :)
Wise words, Jude. Makes me wonder how many kids go off to school because of peer pressure - "everyone else is doing it; if I don't, I'm not good enough". We've had long talks with Adam about the college decision. I don't want him to think he's any less loved if he decides he isn't ready to go. But I worry that he might be feel left out by his peers because they're all getting on the college bandwagon (and some of them are obviously not ready for the responsibility).
You know, that's why I went to Lipscomb. Because everyone else was doing it. I assumed that was "next" because everyone was doing that "next". But I don't think that was a wise decision for me. Of course since I have met the Doctor of "get out of debt" there's a lot of other things in my life that I once thought normal that I think are stupid now. lol
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