Having been on the receiving end of bullying in my youth due to my small stature and good grades (yes, it was a crime to be smart back in my day, too), I am forever curious to know why people talk mean to one another, then try to pass it off as "just teasing". It infuriates me; does it infuriate you as well? Or are you one of those people who think it is funny to make cruel remarks or innuendo and try to laugh it off?
Every few months, for some odd reason, I visit Orson Scott Card's website. He's the writer of "Ender's Game", a rather famous Science Fiction story (for those of you who aren't into Science Fiction). Which was a great short story, a passable novel, and a horrible movie. I read the short story; I endured the novel (and a couple of the sequels), and passed on the movie (even though it has Harrison Ford in it).
On his website, Mr. Card writes movie reviews, political essays, and commentary on the life and times of North Carolina, where he lives. It is sometimes interesting, sometimes funny, sometimes insightful, and sometimes annoying. Mr. Card is a Mormon, but he does not proselytize on his website, which I appreciate since I don't agree with his theology.
Mr. Card wrote about this particular issue -- teasing -- back in October, which tells you how often I read his site. I just read it today. And immediately wanted everyone in the world to read it, too. Especially people who experience a perverse pleasure out of teasing other people.
I do not like teasing of any kind. Teasing makes me angry. People pretending that it isn't harmful to others, makes me angry. Some say I'm oversensitive. Especially guys. Guys who remind me a lot of those kids back in school who bullied me because I wasn't big and strong and athletic like they were. That's how guys communicate, right? Teasing, punching, slapping, insulting. In school, I developed a defense mechanism for dealing with it: they wouldn't hurt me if I insulted myself first. They thought it was funny. They couldn't hit and laugh at the same time.
It bothers me when I hear this at the office or at church. But it bothers me most when I hear it at home. I've tried to convince the kids that it is not acceptable, but sometimes I still hear it, and I go ballistic. I don't want to hear it in my house anymore than I want to hear swearing in my house. It is simply not acceptable.
I want the home to be a place of safety, a place of refuge. And this quote from Mr. Card really got to me:
"If your own home is a place of danger instead of a refuge, then it's not really your home, is it? You are bound to look for that refuge somewhere else."
Home is supposed to be a place where you can relax and be safe, let down your hair, be totally yourself and know that you are accepted for who you are. What happens if the one place you want to be safe is just another place you can be bullied?
Every few months, for some odd reason, I visit Orson Scott Card's website. He's the writer of "Ender's Game", a rather famous Science Fiction story (for those of you who aren't into Science Fiction). Which was a great short story, a passable novel, and a horrible movie. I read the short story; I endured the novel (and a couple of the sequels), and passed on the movie (even though it has Harrison Ford in it).
On his website, Mr. Card writes movie reviews, political essays, and commentary on the life and times of North Carolina, where he lives. It is sometimes interesting, sometimes funny, sometimes insightful, and sometimes annoying. Mr. Card is a Mormon, but he does not proselytize on his website, which I appreciate since I don't agree with his theology.
Mr. Card wrote about this particular issue -- teasing -- back in October, which tells you how often I read his site. I just read it today. And immediately wanted everyone in the world to read it, too. Especially people who experience a perverse pleasure out of teasing other people.
I do not like teasing of any kind. Teasing makes me angry. People pretending that it isn't harmful to others, makes me angry. Some say I'm oversensitive. Especially guys. Guys who remind me a lot of those kids back in school who bullied me because I wasn't big and strong and athletic like they were. That's how guys communicate, right? Teasing, punching, slapping, insulting. In school, I developed a defense mechanism for dealing with it: they wouldn't hurt me if I insulted myself first. They thought it was funny. They couldn't hit and laugh at the same time.
It bothers me when I hear this at the office or at church. But it bothers me most when I hear it at home. I've tried to convince the kids that it is not acceptable, but sometimes I still hear it, and I go ballistic. I don't want to hear it in my house anymore than I want to hear swearing in my house. It is simply not acceptable.
I want the home to be a place of safety, a place of refuge. And this quote from Mr. Card really got to me:
"If your own home is a place of danger instead of a refuge, then it's not really your home, is it? You are bound to look for that refuge somewhere else."
Home is supposed to be a place where you can relax and be safe, let down your hair, be totally yourself and know that you are accepted for who you are. What happens if the one place you want to be safe is just another place you can be bullied?
1 comment:
I guess that was a nice thing about being a girl: girl bullying back in my day was pretty subtle, and I was so oblivious I didn't notice it. The only incidence I know about was in 4th grade when I showed up at Holladay with buck teeth and braids. I was a dead ringer for the star of my classmates' favorite show, Little House on the Prairie. I had never seen the show, since it was aired on Wednesday nights. Nor had I ever read the books. So when my jealous classmates made me play Nelly in their Little House pretendings, I had no idea that was an insult. No telling how many times over the years some girls' clever barbs bounced off me due to my complete ignorance.
As a teacher, I did get my hackles raised when kids teased each other, and did what I could to stop it. The boys were really bad about calling girls fat and/or ugly. The girls didn't seem to do anything specific to each other, just a general "you're not my friend" kind of thing. Then there was the whole drama of reporting each othrr for bullying, but that's a' whole 'nother story!
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